Why Feeling "Chemistry" Is Actually a Red Flag | Kirby Fling

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Why do so many of us repeat the same painful relationship patterns... no matter how hard we try to change?

In this episode of Desirable, Attachment Styles Expert Kirby Fling breaks down the science of attachment, the role of trauma in shaping memory, and practical tools for rewiring our patterns in love, parenting, and even the workplace. 

With an engineer’s mindset and years of study, he reveals how early childhood wounds echo through our adult lives and how to finally break free!

You’ll learn:
✅ Why attachment is more than four rigid labels and how anxious and avoidant behaviors overlap
✅ The five pillars of secure attachment every child, partner, and employee needs
✅ How trauma erases memory and hardwires autopilot stress responses
✅ Why repair after conflict matters more than avoiding conflict altogether
✅ Practical tools like the “Ideal Parent Figure Protocol” for rewiring insecure attachment
✅ Why self-work, humility, and autonomy are the foundation of healthy love
✅ How to use dating as a vetting process, not a validation loop

Kirby’s approach is a roadmap to healing yourself, parenting consciously, and building relationships that last.

Chapters:
00:00 Introduction: Understanding Love and Relationships
00:38 Steps to Self-Discovery in Relationships
01:10 The Role of Validation and Transactional Relationships
02:14 The Importance of Early Dating Dynamics
05:13 Attachment Styles and Their Impact
26:52 The Five Pillars of Attachment
42:53 Building Emotional Resilience
43:45 Ideal Parent Figure Protocol (IPF)
44:37 Rewiring the Nervous System
46:11 Creating New Emotional Memories
47:27 The Power of Secure Attachment
56:01 The Role of Emotions in Learning
01:00:14 The Importance of Social Status
01:04:36 Emotional Expression and Cultural Norms
01:10:27 Navigating Emotional Vulnerability in Relationships
01:17:18 Interactive Segment: Relationship Advice
01:25:23 Final Thoughts on Self-Relationship

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