The Hardcore Self Help Podcast with Duff the Psych

436: Facing Horrific Family Trauma & Finding Joy After Divorce

Apr 11, 2025

This discussion dives deep into the complexities of publishing a memoir rooted in childhood trauma, weighing empowerment against the scars of the past. Listeners hear about the lasting effects of extensive abuse and the journey toward reclaiming one's narrative. The dialogue also touches on the emotional hurdles faced by a newly single parent grappling with loneliness post-divorce. Discover how small steps can foster hope and connection within this transition, highlighting the importance of boundaries, community support, and embracing unexpected paths to happiness.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Isolation as a Tool of Abuse

Abusers use isolation to control their victims, limiting outside influences that could help them escape the abuse.
This is seen in various forms of abuse, including romantic relationships where one partner restricts the other's social interactions.

INSIGHT

Mother's Complicity

The listener's mother's complicity in the abuse is complex due to her also being a victim of the abuser.
While accountability is important, the dynamics are complicated by their shared history of abuse.

ADVICE

Publishing Decision

Consider the potential costs and benefits of publishing, including family reactions and personal well-being.
Prioritize yourself and your chosen family's needs over extended family.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

In this episode, Dr. Duff takes on two powerful listener questions in a raw and compassionate Q&A format.

The first question comes from a survivor of extensive childhood abuse, religious trauma, and complex family dynamics, who is wrestling with the decision of whether or not to publish a deeply personal memoir. Dr. Duff dives into the emotional, psychological, and ethical layers of this situation, offering validation, insight, and a heartfelt reminder that healing and storytelling can be acts of empowerment.

The second question comes from a newly single parent facing feelings of loneliness and hopelessness after a recent divorce. After a disappointing family trip, they wonder if happiness is still possible in this new chapter of life. Dr. Duff breaks down the process of emotional adjustment, the importance of realistic expectations, and how small steps can lead to renewed hope and connection.

As always, this episode is filled with empathy, nuance, and practical encouragement for anyone going through dark or uncertain times.

Key Discussion Points

The complexities of publishing a memoir about trauma and abuse
Understanding the impact of complex PTSD and generational trauma
Navigating family threats and estrangement with personal boundaries
Grieving the loss of an idealized future after divorce
Why happiness doesn’t have to look how you thought it would
Tips for finding support and resilience as a single parent
The value of community, therapy, and chosen family

Timestamps

00:00 – Intro and personal update 03:00 – Content warning for the first question 04:05 – Listener story: Surviving severe childhood abuse and family rejection 07:00 – Dr. Duff reflects on complex PTSD and trauma recovery 08:30 – The power of isolation in abusive systems 10:00 – Complicated dynamics with the listener’s mother 11:30 – Should I publish my book about my trauma? 13:00 – Weighing the risks and benefits of publishing under a pseudonym 14:30 – Standing in your truth despite family pushback 15:00 – Listener story: Facing loneliness and doubt after divorce 16:30 – Grieving the version of life you hoped for 18:00 – Family disappointment and changing dynamics 19:30 – The importance of time and realistic expectations 21:00 – Children often remember things differently than we expect 22:00 – Challenging fatalistic thoughts about the future 23:30 – Modeling resilience and authenticity for your kids 24:30 – Final thoughts and encouragement

Mentioned in This Episode

Episode 130: Complex PTSD – What It Is and How to Recover
YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/@duffthepsych
More mental health content at: https://www.duffthepsych.com

Submit a Question

Have a question you'd like answered on the show? Reach out any time:

📧 Email: duffthepsych@gmail.com 🌐 Website: duffthepsych.com 📷 Instagram: instagram.com/duffthepsych 📺 YouTube: youtube.com/@duffthepsych

Support the Show

If you’ve gotten something out of the podcast and haven’t left a review yet, now’s a perfect time—especially if you’re an Apple Podcasts listener. We're close to hitting 1,000 reviews, and every one helps others find the show and supports the mission of accessible mental health content.