182: How to get frustrating behavior to stop

All of our children go through phases when they do things we wish they wouldn’t do. Sometimes those things are relatively harmless but are pretty annoying, because they take extra time for us to clean up - things like eating (and making crumbs) in areas where we don’t want them to eat, shaving up a bar of soap, or piling up all the toys and refusing to help clean them up. Other times it’s not so harmless.  They might hit us.   Or hit a (smaller) sibling, for what seems like no reason.   We want to get that behavior to stop…but how?In this episode we’ll meet a parent who’s struggling with the annoying behaviors…and we’ll hear directly from two parents who have found ways to navigate resistance and hitting, and these are no longer the problem they once were.   There is hope.  We don’t have to keep walking on eggshells waiting for the next explosion, or worried about what our child is doing as soon as our back is turned.  

Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits

  Do you have a child aged 1 - 10? Are they resisting, ignoring you, and talking back at every request you make? Do you often feel frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with them? Are you desperate for their cooperation - but don't know how to get it? If your children are constantly testing limits, the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you.   Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop.   Click the banner to learn more.      

Jump to highlights:

(00:50)  Introduction for today’s episode (01:33)  A member of Jen's community is seeking advice on how to manage her child’s frustrating behavior (04:23)  How Jen resolved her issues with her husband's frustrating behavior during the COVID lockdown (06:16)  The importance of understanding children's behavior and finding ways to meet their needs in a way that works for both the child and the parent (07:36)  One of the reasons why children engage in activities that they know are forbidden: Lack of Impulse control (09:20)  The importance of recognizing that our children are still learning how to regulate their emotions and impulses (11:17)  How setting fewer limits can create a more positive and respectful relationship between parent and child (12:46)  Parent Peju shares how she sets limits on her child (14:46)  Understanding the underlying issues of a child's behavior is critical for effective parenting (15:54)  The importance of recognizing the need for autonomy in children (17:50)  Parent Fiona shares her struggles and how the community and the membership helped her resolve her problems (26:44)  Parent Fiona’s non-cognitive shift as a result of seeing the issue from her son's perspective (28:19)  Parent Stephanie, expresses how her connection with the ACTion group has been incredibly fulfilling for her. (30:01)  The importance of curiosity when we feel triggered (33:39)  The second reason why children engage in activities that they know are forbidden: They're doing it deliberately to get our attention (34:36)  How our culture and capitalist system affect families and the way we parent (35:45)  Why does our culture make it difficult to ask for help in parenting (36:43)  Invitation to Setting Limits Masterclass