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Optimal Relationships Daily - Dating, Marriage and Parenting

2057: How a Chocolate Chip Bagel Almost Ruined My Marriage by Dr. Kelly Flanagan on Marital Therapy & Understanding Partners

Feb 4, 2024
Dr. Kelly Flanagan shares a personal story about how a simple misunderstanding over a chocolate chip bagel revealed a deeper insight into his marriage. He explores the distinction between seeking approval and genuinely loving in a relationship, emphasizing the significance of prioritizing love over seeking approval. The speaker also discusses the importance of trusting oneself and investing in love, encouraging listeners to play the notes of love in their relationships. Furthermore, the speaker examines the discomfort patients feel when their spouses make significant progress in therapy, questioning if suspicions are distorting their perception.
09:58

Episode guests

Podcast summary created with Snipd AI

Quick takeaways

  • Love should not be contingent on approval and it is important to focus on genuinely loving our partners.
  • Investing in love without constantly seeking approval from our partners can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.

Deep dives

The Difference Between Pleasing and Loving

In this episode, Dr. Kelly Flanagan shares a personal story about how a chocolate chip bagel almost ruined his marriage. He highlights the important distinction between pleasing our partners and loving them. Dr. Flanagan explains that when our efforts to please our partners are driven by the need for their approval, it can lead to frustration and hinder our ability to truly love. He emphasizes that love shouldn't be contingent on approval and affirms the importance of loving our partners regardless of their reactions.

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