2057: How a Chocolate Chip Bagel Almost Ruined My Marriage by Dr. Kelly Flanagan on Marital Therapy & Understanding Partners
Feb 4, 2024
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Dr. Kelly Flanagan shares a personal story about how a simple misunderstanding over a chocolate chip bagel revealed a deeper insight into his marriage. He explores the distinction between seeking approval and genuinely loving in a relationship, emphasizing the significance of prioritizing love over seeking approval. The speaker also discusses the importance of trusting oneself and investing in love, encouraging listeners to play the notes of love in their relationships. Furthermore, the speaker examines the discomfort patients feel when their spouses make significant progress in therapy, questioning if suspicions are distorting their perception.
Love should not be contingent on approval and it is important to focus on genuinely loving our partners.
Investing in love without constantly seeking approval from our partners can lead to a more fulfilling relationship.
Deep dives
The Difference Between Pleasing and Loving
In this episode, Dr. Kelly Flanagan shares a personal story about how a chocolate chip bagel almost ruined his marriage. He highlights the important distinction between pleasing our partners and loving them. Dr. Flanagan explains that when our efforts to please our partners are driven by the need for their approval, it can lead to frustration and hinder our ability to truly love. He emphasizes that love shouldn't be contingent on approval and affirms the importance of loving our partners regardless of their reactions.
The Music of Love: Trusting in Our Good Enoughness
Dr. Flanagan draws an insightful parallel between playing the guitar and practicing love. He shares a story about his son's guitar recital, where the fear of seeking approval caused mistakes. By focusing on playing the music to the best of his ability without seeking affirmation, his son was able to perform beautifully. Dr. Flanagan encourages a similar mindset in relationships, stressing the importance of investing in love without constantly seeking approval from our partners. He concludes by highlighting the need to trust that we are good enough and explore the notes of love in our relationships.
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Episode 2057:
Dr. Kelly Flanagan shares a personal story about how a simple misunderstanding over a chocolate chip bagel revealed a deeper insight into his marriage. He explores the distinction between seeking approval and genuinely loving in a relationship. Using examples from marital therapy and his son's guitar recital, he illustrates how love flourishes not through seeking affirmation, but by focusing on the genuine act of loving itself, similar to playing music without seeking approval.