In this podcast, sociologist Lyman Stone discusses counterintuitive findings about marriage, family, and kids. Topics include the correlation between cohabitation and divorce, the impact of marrying later on fertility, the reasons behind declining birth rates, and how societal secularization can be traced back to kids. Factors contributing to declining birth rates are explored, including the cost of raising children and social media's influence. The podcast concludes with sponsor ads.
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Quick takeaways
Religiosity decline starts in childhood and continues into adulthood, challenging the narrative that adults leave religion due to increasing secularization.
Contrary to popular belief, cohabitation before marriage is correlated with a higher likelihood of divorce due to lack of commitment and intentionality.
Delaying marriage decreases fertility rates, impacting individuals' ability to leave a lasting impact on the world by passing on their genetic and cultural material.
Deep dives
Child Secularization Starts Early
Research shows that the decline in religiosity starts in childhood and continues into adulthood. By age 13, children are already more secular than their parents, and the decline in religiosity intensifies until around age 21. There is little net loss of faith after age 21, as conversion also takes place. This challenges the common narrative that adults leave religion due to increasing secularization or disillusionment with faith. Instead, parents play a significant role in the decline of religiosity as they are not passing on their religious beliefs and practices to their children.
Cohabitation and Divorce
Contrary to popular belief, cohabitation before marriage is actually correlated with a higher likelihood of divorce. Studies show that cohabitating couples are more likely to divorce compared to couples who did not live together before marriage. The idea of a 'trial marriage' to test compatibility does not improve the probability of a successful marriage. Cohabitation often occurs due to uncertainty about the relationship or sliding into living together without making a clear decision. The lack of commitment and intentionality associated with cohabitation can contribute to higher divorce rates.
Delaying Marriage and Fertility
The age of first marriage in the United States has significantly increased, with the median age for women being around 28.5 and for men around 30.5. Delaying marriage can have consequences on fertility, as research shows that marrying later in life is associated with having fewer children. The delay in marriage and subsequent childbearing can impact individuals who want to leave a lasting impact on the world by passing on their genetic and cultural material. Marriage enables specialization and cross-subsidization within the couple, increasing the likelihood of leaving a legacy.
Factors Influencing Reduced Fertility
The decline in fertility rates can be attributed to various factors, including postponed marriage and changes in societal norms. People are getting married later and dating longer before marriage, which affects the timing of childbearing. Additionally, the cost of raising children is often cited as a reason for having fewer kids. The relative cost and societal pressures, such as high-intensity parenting, contribute to the decision of having fewer children. Cultural norms and social media play a role in shaping these factors, influencing individuals' perceptions of what is required to be a good parent.
Addressing the Decline in Religiosity
To address the declining religiosity, it is crucial for parents to take an active role in passing on their faith to their children. Parents should intentionally lead everyday religious activities at home and engage their children in religious communities. It is important for parents to counter the prevailing belief in the backlash myth and understand that efforts to pass on faith have a positive impact. Addressing child secularization requires both parents' commitment and a cultural shift that values religious practices and teachings.
There are a lot of popular ideas out there around marriage, family, and culture, like, for example, that living together before marriage decreases your chances of divorce, people are having fewer children because children are expensive to raise, and society is becoming more secular because people leave religion in adulthood.
Are these ideas actually born out by the data?
Today we put that question to Lyman Stone, a sociologist and demographer who crunches numbers from all the latest studies to find out what’s going on in population, relationship, and familial trends. We dig into some of the counterintuitive findings he’s discovered in his research and discuss the possible reasons that cohabitation is actually correlated with a higher chance of divorce, the effect that marrying later has on fertility, why the drop in the number of kids people are having isn’t only about cost but also about the rise in high intensity parenting, and how the increase in societal secularization can actually be traced to kids, not adults.