Richard Shorter, an expert in parent engagement for schools and sports, dives into character building in young athletes. He emphasizes the importance of asking the right questions to foster open communication between children, parents, and coaches. Discussions touch on enhancing sideline support, managing stress, and balancing expectations with enjoyment. Shorter advocates for meaningful conversations that focus on personal growth rather than just winning. His insights encourage a supportive environment, promoting self-awareness and healthy relationships in youth sports.
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Quick takeaways
Richard Shorter emphasizes the significance of asking open-ended questions to encourage children's self-expression and emotional intelligence in sports and life.
His book 'Conversations for the Journey' urges parents to prioritize character development in children over traditional achievement-based queries like winning or scoring.
Shorter highlights the delicate balance between parent expectations and children's enjoyment in sports, advocating for a supportive environment that promotes fun and personal growth.
Deep dives
Introduction to Non-Perfect Parenting
Richard Shorter, known as Non-Perfect Dad, shares his unique perspective on parenting, particularly in the context of sports. He emphasizes the importance of authenticity, revealing that the term 'non-perfect' resonates with him because most parents can relate to the struggles of imperfect parenting. His experience working with youth for over 20 years revealed to him that home narratives can significantly affect young people's lives, driving his focus towards understanding and supporting parents. Through his platform, he seeks to provide reassurance to parents that perfection is unattainable and that they are already doing significant work in shaping their children's lives.
Building Character Through Reflection
Shorter's book, 'Conversations for the Journey', aims to help parents develop character traits in their children by encouraging reflective conversations. He introduces the 'barbecue question,' where parents think about how they want their children to be described at significant life events, often highlighting character attributes over achievements. He notes that most parents desire to see their children become kind and hardworking rather than solely focused on winning trophies or championships. This insight reveals a common thread among parents and coaches, as both groups value character development alongside competitive success.
The Power of Asking Questions
Non-Perfect Dad emphasizes the transformative effect of asking the right questions over making statements in conversations with children. He observes that many parents feel compelled to give advice or instructions but finds that asking open-ended questions allows children to express themselves and their feelings. This interactive approach not only gives children a voice but also supports their growth and self-awareness. By integrating open-ended questions into family discussions, parents help their children articulate their emotions and experiences, enhancing their emotional intelligence.
Balancing Expectations and Enjoyment
Shorter addresses the tension between parent expectations and children's enjoyment in sports, stressing that while parents may wish to see their children succeed, it should not come at the cost of fun. He encourages parents to create an environment where pressures are mitigated, allowing for open dialogue about feelings and experiences. This approach promotes children's autonomy while also ensuring they understand the importance of personal responsibility in their sporting endeavors. By focusing on enjoyment and character, parents can support their children in navigating the competitive sports landscape without undue stress or pressure.
Encouraging Team Values and Self-Worth
In discussions about team dynamics, Shorter highlights the significance of teaching children how to support teammates and recognize their value beyond personal success. By asking kids how they can make their teammates feel valued, parents foster an atmosphere of teamwork and solidarity rather than competition based solely on individual performance. This lesson is essential not just in sports but throughout life, as it encourages empathy and respect for others. Moreover, by actively discussing what makes them proud of themselves, children learn to recognize and celebrate their strengths and contributions, building a strong sense of self-worth.
I’m delighted to be speaking with Richard Shorter in this episode. Richard goes into schools and sporting institutions to help them with a parent engagement strategy. He also delivers parent engagement sessions to sporting organisations such as England Rugby, England Hockey and England Cricket helping parents to be reflective of their parenting approach. These engagement sessions are also fantastic for coaches to think about the way in which they engage with their players. Richard has also written the brilliant book ‘Conversations for the Journey - 40 Ways for you to Build Sporting Character’ that offers parents and coaches 40 ways to have conversations around mental skills that move away from “Did you win?”, “Did you score?”, “Were you player of the match?”.
And it's this book we mainly focus on, specifically we speak about child development; asking players questions; getting the best out of character traits; enhancing sideline support and managing behaviours.
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