Curious Humans with Jonny Miller
Derek Sivers on How to Negotiate Anything, The Joys of Parenthood & Why Nothing You Believe is True
Episode guests
Podcast summary created with Snipd AI
Quick takeaways
- Derek Sivers values his deep bond with his son, considering him his best friend and soulmate.
- Balancing freedom and commitment is essential, as too much freedom can leave one feeling disoriented and aimless.
- Derek Sivers promotes questioning beliefs and recognizing the subjectivity of perspectives for better decision-making.
- Meditation is not a regular practice for Derek Sivers, who finds peace and clarity through nature and creative activities.
Deep dives
Parenting and the Joy of Having Children
Derek Sivers explains how his initial aversion to having kids changed when his son was born. He talks about the deep bond he shares with his son and how they are like best friends. Derek values their conversations and enjoys spending quality time with him. He emphasizes the importance of talking with strangers and teaching his son to confidently engage with people. Derek also encourages a mindset of making instead of consuming, promoting creativity and self-expression.
The Danger of Having Too Much Freedom
Derek Sivers reflects on the disorienting experience of having total freedom after selling his company. He discusses the need for a balance between freedom and commitment and how too much freedom can leave one feeling adrift. Derek shares his own journey of finding purpose and destination after a period of aimlessness. He emphasizes the importance of having a sense of direction in life and making choices that align with personal values.
The Value of Challenging Beliefs
Derek Sivers explores the concept of challenging beliefs and the importance of recognizing subjective perspectives. He talks about the limitations of knowing why we think or do certain things and the tendency to confabulate reasons. Derek encourages questioning one's own beliefs and considering alternative perspectives. He promotes creative thinking and the exploration of multiple viewpoints to make choices and beliefs that align with personal values and lead to better actions.
The Role of Meditation in Derek's Life
Derek Sivers discusses his personal relationship with meditation and the role it plays in his life. He shares that he tried meditation in the past but didn't continue with it. Derek explains that he finds a sense of peace and clarity through activities like walking in nature and spending time in his making room. While he recognizes the benefits of meditation and respects those who practice it, it is not currently a regular practice for him.
Discovering the Unexpected Beauty of Dubai
After holding a longstanding prejudice against Dubai, the speaker recently found themselves captivated by the city during a two-day visit. They were fascinated by the diverse mix of people from all over the world and the vibrant atmosphere. The experience challenged their preconceived notions and opened their eyes to the unique charm of Dubai.
Reversing Bias: Embracing the Python Programming Language
Despite having a strong preference for the Ruby programming language and a long-standing prejudice against Python, the speaker recently discovered the beauty and elegance of Python while evaluating different programming languages for a new project. They were amazed by Python's simplicity and practicality, prompting them to immerse themselves in the language's documentation and embrace it as their new favorite programming language.
The Power of Questioning Beliefs
Reflecting on their journey of personal growth, the speaker highlights the importance of questioning beliefs and challenging societal norms. They encourage readers to critically evaluate the messages they have been taught, particularly harmful beliefs about topics such as sex and money, and to recognize that many beliefs are subjective and not necessarily true. By questioning and reevaluating beliefs, individuals can gain personal empowerment and live more fulfilling lives.
When I first started this podcast, I had Derek Sivers in mind as the archetypal curious human — and to this day, I think of him as one of the most interesting and provocative philosophers of life. His career path involved joining the circus as a ringleader, then becoming a professional musician and touring, building a company and selling it for $22 million dollars, then giving most of the money away to charity, then becoming a TED speaker and author... to now where he's a minimalist living in New Zealand as a full-time dad.
In this conversation, you can expect to learn the following:
🏙️ His unexpected love affair with Dubai
🤔 Why nothing you believe is actually true
📝 How he journals to find sanity for himself
🤝 What he's learned about negotiation skills
🛠️ Why he created a 'Making Room' in his house
🗺️ How it's possible to have too much freedom in your life
👨👦 Why he feels that his son is his best friend and soulmate
Timestamps
[00:08:56] Derek didn't have much curiosity until later in life.
[00:12:20] Rebellious streak seeks balance in all situations.
[00:18:55] Having total freedom can feel disorienting.
[00:25:17] Choose independence, then commit for best results.
[00:29:14] We don't really know why we do things.
[00:35:00] Journaling: Derek's way to process thoughts and find clarity.
[00:43:32] Brain awake, busy day of writing.
[00:49:48] Sister's chaotic household convinced me: no kids.
[00:54:45] Choosing mice for breeding: defying expectations.
[00:57:08] Teach kids to talk confidently and be makers.
[01:05:56] Money obsession feels like a mental disorder.
[01:10:52] The Red Cross can't do much, donate wisely.
[01:17:38] Negotiate Anything by Herb Cohen is a book full of relatable stories that emphasize the idea that everything is negotiable. The author, a professional negotiator, shares his experiences and challenges the notion of non-negotiable things. It's a thought-provoking read that sticks with you.
[01:21:05] Book: "You Can Negotiate Anything" - rating: 10/10. Talks about realizing power in any situation. Prisoner example shows hidden power. Violence comes from feeling powerless. Realize your power in any situation. Must-read.
[01:27:15] Movies portrayed sex as something men want, women don't.
[01:32:45] Dubai is a fascinating, diverse and foreigner-filled place.
[01:38:45] Python: a newfound love, Dubai.
[01:44:21] Aspiration: be read even after death.
Official Links
✉️ Email Derek personally here: derek@sivers.org
📚 Derek's Book Reviews
🙋♂️ Derek's /now page
📖 Buy his masterpiece How to Live (don't buy on Amazon!)
Connect + Follow Jonny:
🐦 Follow on Twitter @jonnym1ller
💌 Subscribe to the Curious Humans Newsletter
🫁 Learn more about Nervous System Mastery
🙋♂️ Join Five to Thrive — a zero-cost educational email series.
Episode Sponsors
🩸 Inside Tracker — One of the things I've changed my mind on in the past year is the value of getting blood panels taken prophylactically (ideally every six months, according to Dr. Peter Attia) rather than waiting until you have a health issue. Inside Tracker recently added hormone testing alongside a bunch of other important biomarkers that aren't included in traditional blood panels (ApoB, for example). Despite generally feeling great, my most recent set of results showed that I have some work to do to reduce levels of inflammation, and I'll be following some of their dietary + supplement recommendations to address this asap. So I highly recommend making this something you make time for at least once or twice yearly. Save 20% here
🥶 The Cold Plunge — I reached out to the founder of the plunge, Ryan after hearing his powerful story on the Danny Miranda podcast. I've shared how getting in icy cold water every day helped me to move through intense grief, and taught me what it meant to surrender. These days I use their plunge every, single, day. It's like a high-stakes meditation—a mirror into my own internal state. The Plunge team have done a phenomenal job architecting what I consider as the world's best cold plunge (it doesn't get grimy like the converted chest freezers that I used to use). For optimal health benefits, I recommend deliberate cold exposure for 11 minutes per week total. Save $150 with the code CURIOUS. Learn more.
🫁 Nervous System Mastery — this is my flagship 5-week boot camp designed to equip you with evidence-backed protocols to cultivate calm and emotional regulation. Our fourth cohort will be running in September 2023 ~ and applications are currently open. My sense is that if this conversation resonates with you, then you'd likely be a great fit for our upcoming cohort. This curriculum represents my attempt to distill everything that I've learned in recent years about how to create the conditions for our nervous system's flourishing. It's run in an intensive cohort-based way since this is, in my experience, the most efficient way to embody and practice the protocols. Previous students have shared how partaking not only improved their sleep and quality of relationships but also tapped into deeper states of joy, clarity, and confidence in their lives. We've had over 500 students have completed this training, and many have said that it has been the most impactful thing they've ever done for their personal growth — so if you're intrigued at all, you can find more details and apply to join this year's cohort over at nsmastery.com
~~
Further Ways to Support the Podcast:
🎙️ I use Riverside to record all of my podcast conversations (it's so much better than zoom for podcasting!)
🎧 I also use Transistor to host this podcast, it's fricking awesome, and I would highly recommend.
😎 RaOptics make the world's best Blue Blockers – I wear these anytime I'm out of the house after dark, and it makes a huge difference!
🤖 I use AI wizardry from Castmagic to help with each episode show-notes + timestamps
📹 Want to create a Hollywood-quality home studio? Get in touch with Kevin Shen here & save $500 with code JONNYSENT500OFF
Remember Everything You Learn from Podcasts
