The Courageous Life Practicing Courage #19: The Art of Saying No Effectively
Yesterday I released a conversation with Dr. Vanessa Patrick.
Vanessa is a professor of marketing and the associate dean for research at the Bauer College of Business at the University of Houston.
Among other things, Vanessa researches what she calls the empowered refusal - A way of saying no that stems from your identity.
This empowered form of saying no becomes possible when you have clarity about who are, who you want to be, and what matters to you.
For me this was one of the more practical conversations I ’ve ever had on the show
Largely because saying no can be hard at times.
Some of the reasons why saying no can be challenging include:
- You might feel if you say no it could damage to your reputation
- You may have a fear that saying no will feel bad. More specifically that saying no will feel worse than saying yes (and at some level you may want to avoid the discomfort).
- You may be afraid saying no will upset someone or that saying no may create a rift in a relationship
Additionally within the context of organizations (which is an area of expertise for Vanessa) saying no can bring on additional layers of complexity.
- There are power dynamics at play
- There is added pressure to perform
- There may be a desire to move up, receive recognition,
- The list goes on…
So like I said it was quite valuable to talk with Vanessa. Not only because of her expertise on the topic, but also because her work truly lies at the intersection of art and science.
Her research has revealed the ingredients that lead to an effective no, but like most recipes…there is also an art involved, and Vanessa’s deep experience working with leaders has offered further insight into that art - offering really practical ways of communicating no effectively in the work environment.
For today’s practice I will offer a few practical takeaways from the conversation with Vanessa that you can take and experiment with in your own life.
I hope you find it useful and if you want to dive deep into this topic though I would encourage you to check out our interview (if you haven't already):
Or pick up a copy of her book: The Power of Saying No: The New Science of How to Say No That Puts You In Charge of Your Life
Thank you for your practice.
I look forward to continuing together next Thursday!
-Joshua
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