"You're doing it wrong! You're not asking for consent before changing the diaper!"
In this Sharing Your Parenting Mojo episode we meet parent Nicole, who has core values related to being empathic, constantly learning, and upholding justice in the world. These awesome values came together in a difficult way when Nicole became a parent: she had a deep fear of not getting parenting right, so she was constantly reading and trying to find that one piece of information that would close the gap between her struggles and the kind of parent she wanted to be.
The stress of parenting an infant brought out a controlling side of her where she attempted to script every aspect of her (and her husband's) interactions with her child, thinking they had already screwed up parenting because he hadn't asked their child's consent before changing her diaper.
Nicole was raised by a single parent who had had a traumatic upbringing, and Nicole grew up sometimes feeling scared by her mother's oversized reactions to normal childhood behavior. She knew she wanted more for her children - but didn't know what to do. Over the last year she's been working on 'reparenting' herself so she doesn't have to parent from a place of fear any more, and can relax into understanding her children's feelings - and her own and her partner's feelings as well.
Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits
If you want to make your own transformation from a relationship where your child JUST DOESN’T LISTEN to one where you have mutual care and respect for each other’s needs, then the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop is for you. Go from constant struggles and nagging to a new sense of calm & collaboration. I will teach you how to set limits, but we'll also go waaaay beyond that to learn how to set fewer limits than you ever thought possible. Sign up for the Setting Loving (& Effective!) Limits workshop.
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Jump to highlights:
03:19 Nicole's background
04:36 Nicole's parenting beliefs and values
06:31 Teaching respect by giving respect
08:07 Fear and anxiety of not getting parenting right
09:32 How inter generational trauma show up in your family
11:37 The unexpected reparenting piece
13:35 How talking about death with children led Nicole to my work
15:13 Nicole's experience with the Parenting Membership
18:32 What shifted in Nicole's that made her decide to take the Membership
19:17 Realizing the most unconditional thing you can do for your kids
20:12 Relationships our complex yet we don't think that way when it comes to our relationship with our children
21:08 Nicole's incredible example of how she shows up for her children and handles things differently now compared to before
24:45 Becoming more confident in parenting
26:09 Having the language to talk about our needs
28:39 How Nicole and her husband wants to model conflict to their children
34:44 Wrapping up
Resource links:
Your Parenting Mojo - Respectful, research-based parenting ideas to help kids thrive