Based on all the hundreds of letters I get – the background stories about abuse and neglect in childhood, and the present day struggles to form loving, committed relationships – it’s clear to me that limerence is the fruit of emotional neglect. We get too good at seeing love where there is no love, and if we don’t heal, it continues into adulthood, becoming worse in times when we’re isolated, grieving, and chronically stressed. In this video I respond to a letter from a Ukranian refugee devastated when a new relationship fizzled out.

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