Create Your Now with Kristianne Wargo 3770 When the Feeling Fades
For most married couples, the intense emotional need—the attraction, the butterflies, the all-consuming desire to be near one another—lasts about two years.
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After that, reality creeps in. The daily grind, the frustrations, the quirks that were once charming now feel annoying. The relationship stops feeling like effortless joy and more like hard work. And who wants a relationship that feels like work?
No one.
So what then? How do you keep the spark alive when the feeling fades? When love feels more like a duty than a delight? You don't just throw in the towel because the honeymoon stage ended. That's not marriage. It's just the start of something deeper that needs conscious attention and effort.
Here's why you fell in love in the first place
When those waves of irritation and disappointment surge, if you stop and reflect, you can still recall the reasons you said "yes." Your partner's laughter, their kindness, how they made you feel seen. These memories remind you that your love had substance beyond just fleeting feelings. It's natural to want to hold on to that. But clinging too tightly to nostalgia won't fix your present.
The Feeling Is Fading — Now What?
Dr. Gary Chapman, renowned marriage counselor and author of The 5 Love Languages, offers a clear path forward: marriage is not about feelings alone; it's about commitment. Your head has to talk to your heart and say, "I'm choosing to love you today, even if I don't feel the way I did before."
The K.I.S.S. ~ Choose to love today!To not only keep the feeling alive but deepen the connection, here are three crucial steps couples can take:
1. Speak Your Partner's Love LanguageChapman's groundbreaking insight is that everyone receives love differently—some through words, others through deeds, touch, gifts, or quality time. When you stop getting that intense rush of attraction, what can keep you connected is meeting your spouse's emotional needs in the way they understand best.
If your partner's love language is "Acts of Service," those small thoughtful actions speak louder than a tired "I love you." If it's "Words of Affirmation," never underestimate the power of sincere compliments and appreciation. Find their language and speak it fluently.
2. Prioritize Connection Over ConvenienceLove means choosing connection, even when it's easier to check out. Make time for meaningful conversations and shared experiences, not as a chore but as a commitment. Rotate "date nights" or mini check-ins that remind you both why you chose each other.
Chapman once said, "We don't feel loved when we don't feel heard." So listen—actively and without judgment. Listen to what your partner needs, fears, dreams, and frustrations. When you feel heard, love grows.
3. Commit to Growth, Not PerfectionNobody said marriage is easy. Chapman emphasizes, "Love is a choice you make every day." It requires patience, forgiveness, and a willingness to evolve—both individually and as a couple.
When the feeling fades, it's an invitation to grow closer by overcoming challenges together. Share your vulnerabilities. Take responsibility for your part in conflicts. Focus on solutions rather than blame.
In the end, choice trumps feeling.
The best marriages aren't built on feelings alone because feelings are fleeting. They are built on a daily decision to love, communicate, and show up. When your head commits, your heart often follows. And over time, that commitment can even spark new feelings—ones that are steadier, richer, and more aligned with the real, imperfect human in front of you.
If you want your marriage to last past the fade, don't wait for feelings to come back on their own. Choose to love anyway. Your relationship isn't just about how you feel—it's about who you decide to be together.
You've got clarity on what happens when the feeling fades—and what to do next. Your move? Start speaking your partner's love language in action, schedule that meaningful conversation, and commit to growing together. Let your head lead your heart, and watch the love deepen beyond the surface.
No fluff. No magic potions. Just hard, real-hearted work that turns fading feelings into lasting love.
"Be present. Be incredible. Be YOU!!!"
#RelationshipBuilders #CreateYourNow #LoveAndMarriage
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Cover Art by Jenny Hamson
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Music by Mandisa - Overcomer
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Song ID: 68209 Song Title: Overcomer Writer(s): Ben Glover, Chris Stevens, David Garcia Copyright © 2013 Meaux Mercy (BMI) Moody Producer Music (BMI) One Songs (ASCAP) Ariose Music (ASCAP) Universal Music - Brentwood Benson Publ. (ASCAP) D Soul Music (ASCAP) (adm. at CapitolCMGPublishing.com) All rights reserved. Used by permission.