#241 Speaking Desire: Navigating Communication, Vulnerability, and Connection in Relationships (with Laura Lee)

Key Points:

Introductions and background

Laura introduces herself as a psychologist and sexologist who works at the intersection of mental health and relationships. She shares her passion for art, the outdoors, and living near the ocean. Cam and Laura also discuss their astrological signs and the esoteric symbolism of water.

The importance of communication in relationships

Cam and Laura discuss the importance of communication in relationships, especially when it comes to topics like desire and satisfaction. They note that while communication is often cited as important, people often struggle with how to actually have those conversations.

Defining and distinguishing communication

Laura explains that communication refers to the verbal and non-verbal ways partners communicate about their preferences, desires, fantasies, and limits. She distinguishes this from general relationship communication, noting that communication is often seen as a "black spot" that is avoided or not handled well.

The challenges and risks of communication

Laura discusses why communication is particularly high-stakes and fraught for many people. Factors include the potential for rejection, shame, and vulnerability, as well as a lack of skills and comfort with the topic.

Strategies for effective communication

Cam and Laura explore ways to make communication more approachable, such as having smaller, more casual conversations rather than big "sit-down" talks. They also emphasize the importance of focusing on feelings and experiences rather than just acts.

The role of non-verbal communication

Laura and Cam discuss the many ways non-verbal cues like body language, tone of voice, and physical touch can communicate desire, consent, and interest. They highlight the value of observing these cues both in and out of the bedroom.

Using third-party tools to facilitate communication

Cam and Laura share ideas for using activities, games, and other resources as a "third party" to help initiate and guide communication in a more playful, low-stakes way. This can help build curiosity and connection.

Recap and key takeaways

In closing, Laura emphasizes that effective communication has a protective function, helping maintain desire and satisfaction in a relationship. She encourages listeners to embrace the awkwardness and invest in developing these communication skills.

Relevant links:

Laura Lee's Website: www.lauralee.com.au