Floundering Into Adulthood: Overcoming Alienation and Parents with Personality Disorders
Nov 9, 2023
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Bill and Megan discuss the challenges young adults face when launching into independent adulthood after growing up with a high-conflict parent. They explore the impact of social media on young people, the struggles they face in finding direction and purpose, and the importance of mentors and healthy social connections. They also discuss the experiences of young individuals with parents with personality disorders and provide strategies for overcoming depression and finding resilience.
Young adults with high-conflict parents often struggle to find direction and become independent
The impact of growing up with a high-conflict parent can leave young people feeling responsible for the parent and unable to focus on their own wants and needs
Deep dives
The impact of high conflict personalities in mediations
If some parties in a mediation seem stuck, it may be due to dealing with high conflict personalities. The High Conflict Institute offers trainings specifically designed to handle high conflict cases. Bill Eddy, co-founder of the institute, has seen an increase in settlement rates, going from 75% to over 90%, using their new model. These trainings combine on-demand watching with Zoom training directly with Bill, providing mediators with the necessary skills to handle high conflict cases.
The struggles young people face today
Many young people are floundering after high school, especially those who have parents with high conflict personalities or traits of personality disorders. There is an uptick in young individuals who lack direction or aim, leading to a sense of funk and guilt. Factors such as exposure to global news, weakened family and community connections, and societal pressure contribute to this. The narrow range of what is considered 'good' in today's culture and the negative impact of social media further exacerbate the confusion and difficulty in finding one's identity and community. The lack of mentoring and guidance compounds these challenges.
Supporting young people in finding their way
For young individuals struggling with finding their direction in life, seeking counseling, finding mentors, and building healthy relationships are crucial steps. Counseling centers at schools provide support, while dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) can help develop resilience and coping skills. Cultivating a tight-knit group of friends can provide a sense of connection and belonging. Encouraging young people to focus on the present, embrace one thing at a time, and celebrate the good things happening in their lives can help alleviate feelings of overwhelm. It is important to remind them that worrying about the future is unnecessary and that they can lean on supportive figures outside of their immediate family.
Finding Your Way as a Young Adult with a High-Conflict Parent In this week's episode, Bill and Megan discuss the challenges many young adults face when launching into independent adulthood after growing up with a high-conflict parent.
Bill and Megan have noticed an uptick in parents saying their young adult children are floundering after high school. While there are many contributing factors, a common thread seems to be having a parent with a high-conflict personality. This can significantly impact a young person's ability to find direction and become fully independent.
Bill and Megan explore the cultural and social factors that make this transitional time particularly difficult for young people today. They discuss how our interconnected online world, while having many benefits, can also lead to comparison, depression and a feeling of not belonging. Bullying and toxic relationships enabled by social media exacerbate these issues.
In addition, they examine the direct impact of growing up with a self-focused, high-conflict parent. This can leave young people feeling responsible for the parent and unable to focus on their own wants and needs. Bill and Megan provide perspective on how to overcome these challenges, emphasizing the importance of finding mentors, engaging in healthy social connections and seeking professional support if needed.
Questions we answer in this episode:
How can today's media culture negatively impact young people?
What are some strategies for young people struggling with a high-conflict parent?
Where can young adults find support and a sense of belonging?
Key Takeaways:
Comparison on social media can lead to loneliness and depression
Bullying has more power and reach than ever before
Mentors and jobs can provide direction and purpose
Group therapy and school counseling are helpful resources
Focus on developing your own identity and passions
This uplifting episode provides hope and helpful advice for young people navigating adulthood in today's complex world. Bill and Megan offer perspective and guidance for anyone supporting a young person struggling to spread their wings.
Links & Other Notes
CONSULTATION & COACHING
Live Lab (1:1 coaching to learn verbal and written communication skills in high conflict situations)
Consultations (1:1 educational consultation to discuss high conflict situations and cases with our high conflict experts)