ADHD with Jenna Free EP. 30: The ADHD Self-Sabotage Cycle - The Fear That Stops You From Trying | ADHD with Jenna Free
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Chapters
00:00 Introduction to Vulnerability and ADHD 01:00 What Vulnerability Really Means 03:00 Personal Example - Group Launch Protection 05:00 Subconscious Self-Protection Mechanisms 07:00 Why Vulnerability Feels Dangerous 09:00 How This Shows Up in Different Life Areas 11:00 The Gift of Being Vulnerable 13:00 Getting Your Hopes Up vs. Playing It Safe 15:00 Making Vulnerability Feel Safer 17:00 Reflection Questions and Acting Class Example 20:00 Taking Small Steps Forward
Summary
In this episode, I explore the often-overlooked connection between ADHD, dysregulation, and our ability to be vulnerable. I explain how vulnerability isn't just about sharing feelings with others - it's about the willingness to try things without guarantees, to be seen trying, to risk disappointment. When we're in fight or flight, our nervous system confuses emotional risk with physical danger, causing us to back away from the very things we want most. Using personal examples (including my own experience of cutting a group launch short to avoid potential disappointment), I demonstrate how dysregulation makes us pump the brakes on our goals, relationships, and dreams - not consciously, but as a self-protection mechanism. This episode offers practical ways to start building safety around vulnerability so you can actually go for what you want in life.
Action Step:
Notice one place this week where you're backing off from what you really want because it feels too vulnerable. Ask yourself: Is this dangerous or just uncomfortable? Then make one tiny step forward - go to one yoga class, mention your interest in a promotion once, or try something new without committing fully. The goal is to get evidence that it's safe to try, even if the outcome is uncertain.
Takeaways
- Vulnerability means being willing to be seen, take emotional risks, and try without guarantees.
- When dysregulated, even admitting to yourself that you want something can feel too scary.
- Our nervous system confuses emotional risk (disappointment, embarrassment) with physical danger.
- We often pump the brakes on our goals subconsciously to avoid potential disappointment.
- This shows up everywhere - work, relationships, hobbies, self-care, and even regulation work itself.
- The real risk of vulnerability is just uncomfortable feelings, not actual danger.
- "Don't get your hopes up" is a dysregulated response that actually decreases your chances of success.
- You miss 100% of the shots you don't take - backing off guarantees failure.
- Being vulnerable with yourself (not just others) is crucial for moving forward in life.
- Small exposures to vulnerability build evidence that it's safe to try and want things.
- All feelings, including disappointment and embarrassment, are safe to feel.
- Living without the ability to be vulnerable keeps you trapped and limits your life significantly.
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