This podcast explores the meanings that impact our sexual experiences, the importance of freedom and choice, and the art of surrender/receiving. It also discusses how past experiences and societal messages can hinder sexual experiences and highlights the challenges faced by mothers of young children. Additionally, it emphasizes the importance of embracing sexuality and changing perspectives on life and parenting.
Meanings that expand our sense of self and make us feel alive increase our desire, while meanings that constrict us shut down our desire and kill any chance of us having a passionate experience.
Giving oneself permission to explore and embrace sexuality, rejecting the belief that pleasure and sexuality are inherently wrong or sinful, can enhance sexual experiences with a sense of freedom, playfulness, and authenticity.
Deep dives
The Importance of Meaning in Sexual Responses
Dr. Jennifer discusses the role of meanings in influencing sexual responses. She explains that meanings related to expansiveness, self-validation, and desire can enhance sexual arousal and pleasure, while constrictive meanings that involve duty or fear can diminish desire. She emphasizes the importance of becoming aware of and challenging detrimental meanings that hinder sexual enjoyment, suggesting that deliberately shifting meanings can have a profound impact on arousal and pleasure.
The Power of Giving Yourself Permission
Dr. Jennifer highlights the significance of giving oneself permission to explore and embrace sexuality. She encourages individuals to reject the belief that pleasure and sexuality are inherently wrong or sinful, emphasizing that these aspects of human existence are gifts from a loving God. By giving oneself permission and understanding that their own agency is not superseded by sexuality, individuals can approach their sexual experiences with a sense of freedom, playfulness, and authenticity.
Balancing Inhibitions and Surrender for Pleasure
Dr. Jennifer addresses the challenge of overcoming inhibitions in sexual experiences and the role of surrender in enhancing pleasure. She suggests that surrender is not a relinquishing of control, but rather a release of fear-based vigilance and a willingness to be impacted by another person's care and desire. By reframing meanings related to pleasure and surrender, individuals can find strength in allowing themselves to receive pleasure and explore new aspects of sexuality. It is emphasized that pleasure and playful exploration can coexist with values and morality.
Finding Agency in Different Stages of Life
Dr. Jennifer discusses the evolving nature of one's purpose or 'why' throughout different stages of life. She reflects on the importance of creating good and serving others, but also highlights the shift from managing others' perceptions to authentically living according to personal values. As life transitions occur, such as children leaving the home and the passing of loved ones, the focus on creating meaningful experiences and cherishing relationships becomes more prominent, leading to a greater sense of peace, wisdom, and cherishing.
It has been said that our brains are our most important sexual organs and, it's true--the meanings that are playing out in our minds either consciously or under the surface have a big impact on our sexual experiences.
Meanings that expand our sense of self and make us feel alive (like freedom and choice) increase our desire, while meanings that constrict us (like obligation and shame) shut down our desire and kill any chance of us having a passionate, fulfilling experience.
Recently, I joined Tammy Hill of the Live Your Why Podcast to discuss the meanings that keep many of us from fully experiencing the joy of our sexuality and what we can do to shift these common, but problematic meaning frames and create something better.
Listen to the full episode to learn more about:
* Reconciling spirituality and sexuality
* The importance of freedom and choice
* Problematic meaning frames
* The art of surrender / receiving
For a deeper dive on working through problematic meanings around sexuality, consider enrolling in Dr. Finlayson-Fife's Enhancing Sexual Intimacy course!
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