Valentine’s Day Isn’t Just for Romance—The Science of Deep Friendships
Feb 14, 2025
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Rhaina Cohen, a producer and editor for NPR's Embedded and author of The Other Significant Others, dives into the science of deep friendships. She explores how these non-romantic bonds can be just as fulfilling as romantic partnerships. The discussion highlights the evolution of friendship dynamics and the importance of companionship for emotional well-being. Cohen challenges traditional notions of family and love, advocating for the celebration of diverse connections, especially on Valentine's Day.
Deep nonromantic friendships play a crucial role in fulfilling emotional needs and deserve recognition alongside romantic relationships.
The historical evolution of marriage and friendship reveals societal shifts that often undervalue the importance of platonic bonds in our lives.
Deep dives
Redefining Friendship
The episode highlights the evolving nature of friendship, emphasizing that non-romantic love and deep partnerships can profoundly influence our lives. The guest, Raina Cohen, shares her personal experience of a friendship that transcended traditional definitions, resembling a romantic partnership without the romantic element. This relationship sparked important questions about the terminology surrounding friendship and the societal expectations that often prioritize romantic relationships over platonic ones. Cohen argues that these intimate friendships deserve recognition as valuable connections that fulfill emotional needs, challenging the notion that only romantic partnerships can provide significant support.
Historical Context of Relationships
The podcast delves into the historical shifts in the perception of marriage and friendship, noting that marriage has evolved from an economic arrangement to an expected romantic partnership. This change has led to the marginalization of friendships, which were once viewed as critical social ties. Cohen discusses how societal views on intimacy and connections have transformed, particularly after the introduction of strict definitions surrounding sexuality in the 20th century. This societal focus has created a disconnect where friendships, often laden with emotional depth, are undervalued in favor of romantic relationships that are expected to fulfill all emotional needs.
The Importance of Diverse Connections
Cohen emphasizes the need to diversify emotional connections to improve overall happiness and relationship satisfaction. Relying solely on romantic partners for emotional support can undermine both friendships and marriages, as it places unrealistic expectations on one individual. Studies reveal a decline in the number of close friendships, leading to what is termed a 'friendship recession,' particularly affecting less educated individuals. By recognizing the importance of various types of relationships, including friendships, individuals can foster richer emotional lives, ultimately enhancing their romantic partnerships.
Love isn’t just about romance. This Valentine’s Day, we’re exploring the power of deep nonromantic bonds. Host Rachel Feltman sits down with Rhaina Cohen, a producer and editor for NPR’s podcast Embedded and author of The Other Significant Others, to discuss the history and psychology of friendship—and the reasons these connections deserve just as much celebration as romantic partnerships.
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Science Quickly is produced by Rachel Feltman, Fonda Mwangi, Kelso Harper, Madison Goldberg, Naeem Amarsy and Jeff DelViscio. This episode was hosted by Rachel Feltman. Our show is edited by Madison Goldberg with fact-checking by Shayna Posses and Aaron Shattuck. The theme music was composed by Dominic Smith.