Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist known as Dr. Becky on Instagram, challenges the belief that parents should make their kids happy. She discusses setting boundaries, teaching kindness, and the value of feedback in parenting. Kennedy emphasizes the importance of repair in parenting, apologizing, and reconnecting with children.
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Quick takeaways
Clarity in parenting involves setting boundaries and providing validation, leading to better understanding, improved behavior, and stronger connections with children.
Parents should redefine success, teach emotional regulation skills, and engage in open-ended questions and seeking feedback to strengthen connections with their children.
Deep dives
The Importance of Clarity in Parenting
Dr. Becky Kennedy, a clinical psychologist and founder of Good Inside, discusses the importance of clarity in parenting. She emphasizes that knowing and understanding a parent's role is crucial for effective parenting. A parent's job consists of setting boundaries and providing validation to their children. Boundaries help children feel safe and answer the question of whether they are safe. Validation involves acknowledging and accepting children's emotions, even if they are different from the parent's own experience. Dr. Kennedy highlights that clarity in parenting leads to better understanding, improved behavior, and stronger connections with children.
Defining Success and Teaching Emotional Regulation
Dr. Becky Kennedy challenges traditional views on success and parenting. She encourages parents to consider their definitions of success, recognizing that their children may have different aspirations. She explains that short-term markers of success, such as achievement or making children happy, often hinder long-term success and personal growth. Additionally, Dr. Kennedy emphasizes the importance of teaching children emotional regulation skills. Rather than simply correcting behavior, parents should help children develop the necessary skills to manage and express their emotions effectively.
The Power of Asking Questions and Seeking Feedback
Dr. Becky Kennedy emphasizes the power of asking questions and seeking feedback when it comes to parenting. By asking open-ended questions, parents can encourage their children to think about their behavior, emotions, and actions. This allows children to engage in self-reflection and develop problem-solving skills. Dr. Kennedy also highlights the importance of seeking feedback from children, asking about their experiences, feelings, and frustrations. By actively listening and responding empathetically, parents can create stronger connections and build trust with their children.
Addressing Rule-Breaking and Frustrations
Dr. Becky Kennedy provides insights into addressing rule-breaking and managing frustrations with children. She suggests approaching the situation with openness, curiosity, and understanding. Engaging in family meetings, where everyone can express their thoughts and opinions, can help foster a sense of collaboration and problem-solving. Dr. Kennedy also recommends involving children in developing solutions and practicing skills instead of solely imposing consequences for rule-breaking. By doing so, parents can effectively teach children alternative behaviors and help them develop emotional regulation skills.
As a clinical psychologist, Becky Kennedy works with parents to raise good kids. She’s best known as Dr. Becky on Instagram, and has been called the "Millennial parenting whisperer" for good reason. Becky and Adam challenge the widespread belief that it’s a parent’s job to make their children happy, talk candidly about the surprisingly difficult task of setting and maintaining boundaries, and dig into the science and practice of helping kids (and adults) deal with the ups and downs of life. Transcripts for ReThinking are available at go.ted.com/RWAGscripts
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