The Couples Therapist Couch 259: Infidelity with Dr. Ellyn Bader
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Sep 16, 2025 Dr. Ellyn Bader, author and co-founder of The Couples Institute, shares her pioneering journey in couples therapy and the significance of her Developmental Model. She reveals the developmental stages of relationships, emphasizing the importance of autonomy for healthy connections. Delving into infidelity, Bader breaks down common triggers, the stages of therapeutic work, and effective strategies for rebuilding trust. Her insights offer a roadmap for navigating the complexities of relationships and overcoming challenges together.
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How Couples Work Began
- Ellyn Bader described starting couples work after seeing dysfunctional families in training and wanting to help parents as a unit.
- She and her husband created workshops and learned from couples' feedback to build their approach.
Couple Development Mirrors Child Growth
- Bader proposed that couple development parallels child development, shaping therapy goals around stages of relational growth.
- She and Pete used couples' workshop feedback to refine core tools like the Initiator-Inquirer.
Falling In Love Is Developmental
- Falling in love is framed as a developmental capacity resembling early symbiosis and fantasy.
- Healthy relationships must progress from merged boundaries into ongoing differentiation for lasting stability.
