Relationship Counseling with Neurodiverse Couples: What Needs to Change?-Tony Attwood & Maxine Aston

12 snips

Jun 3, 2025

Guest

Tony Attwood

Guest

Maxine Aston

Maxine Aston, a renowned counsellor specializing in neurodiverse relationships, teams up with the influential clinical psychologist Tony Attwood. They discuss critical insights from their new book on counseling neurodiverse couples. Topics include the necessity for therapists to understand autism's impact on relationships and the unique challenges faced by female autistic partners. Aston and Attwood also highlight the importance of validation, effective communication, and alternative support methods to create a more understanding environment for neurodiverse families.

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ANECDOTE

Transformative Autism Diagnosis Anecdote

Maxine Aston shared a story of a couple struggling for 20 years until the autistic partner was diagnosed.
The diagnosis transformed their relationship and set a foundation for understanding both partners equally.

INSIGHT

Training Crucial for Neurodiverse Therapy

Counselling often fails neurodiverse couples when therapists lack autism training.
Training or personal knowledge about neurodivergence is critical to positive counselling outcomes.

INSIGHT

Depression Risks in Neurodiverse Couples

Both partners in neurodiverse couples can experience depression due to relationship challenges.
Good relationship counselling knowledgeable in autism can be invaluable for couples.

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In 2017, when I discovered I was in a neurodiverse marriage I bought every book on neurodiverse relationships by Maxine Aston and several of Tony Attwood's books. Each of the books I read made me feel less alone and helped me understand that after 29 years of marriage my journey to understanding was just beginning.

In 2020, when I started the Neurodiverse Love podcast I reached out to Maxine to let her know how much her books helped me and I invited her to meet with me to talk about joining me as a guest on the podcast. Maxine graciously responded and we set up what would be the first of many Zoom calls over the years that gave us an opportunity to share our lived experiences and the ups and downs of working with neurodiverse couples.

In addition, Tony Attwood and Michelle Garnett have been guests on the Neurodiverse Love podcast and they have done presentations at both the 2023 and 2025 Neurodiverse Love conference.

I am now honored to have had an opportunity to talk with Maxine and Tony about their new book "Relationship Counselling With Autistic Neurodiverse Couples-A Guide for Professionals". During this episde, they each share a little about their work together and the ways in which they have helped us learn more about how much support and guidance neurodiverse couples need as they navigate their unique journeys. They also share how critical it is for helping professionals to have in-depth knowledge of how neurodivergence may impact couples and each partner. In addition, we discuss the following:

Why this book is so important for ND couples and helping professionals.
Information about the respondents and their priority needs.
Training or personal knowledge was very important.
Cost of counseling was high.
Both partners may experience depression because of challenges in the relationship.
The importance of making your office more ND friendly
Need to make it mandatory to get training on ND relationships
Addressed different genders and cultural differences.

Feels like you’re talking different languages (culturally and neurologically).
Both partners will feel validated in reading the book.

Being believed and validated was important.
Many felt hopeless after counseling and ended their relationship.
How to understand if you are working with an Autistic partner and may not know it.
Emotional, financial and time cost invested in counseling.
The value of mediation for ND couples

I highly recommend this book for both helping professionals and ND couples and I hope that all of you who buy the book will learn that you are not alone in the struggles you have had with therapists and coaches who have never been educated about neurodivergent adults. As a society, we need to do a better job of providing in-depth education on the strengths, challenges and differences that ND couples and families experience!

You can learn more about the resources available from Professor Tony Attwood here and from Maxine Aston here

You can also learn more about 9the resources Mona has available at the links below:

Host of the Neurodiverse Love Podcast

Buy the Neurodiverse Love Conversation Cards or Workbook

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