The School of Greatness Why Women Lose Desire Faster in Marriage | Esther Perel
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Nov 17, 2025 
Esther Perel, a renowned psychotherapist and author, dives deep into the intricacies of modern relationships. She reveals why women often lose desire more quickly than men, emphasizing the importance of maintaining romance and risk in intimacy. Esther argues that caretaking can be an anti-aphrodisiac, while confidence fuels attraction. She also stresses the necessity of premeditated intimacy and regular relationship check-ins to foster connection. Ultimately, it’s about choosing a partner intentionally rather than merely finding one.
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Core Causes Of Relationship Demise
- Indifference, neglect, contempt, and micro-violence are core drivers of relationship breakdown.
- Feeling that you matter to your partner is the essential glue of connection.
Why Women Lose Desire Faster
- Women's desire often drops faster because relationship sex loses romance, plot, and pacing.
- Desire requires novelty, teasing, and emotional distance, not just physical availability.
Make Sex Premeditated
- Premeditate committed sex by scheduling time to be present and check in with each other.
- Treat that hour as important so erotic space can emerge rather than expecting spontaneous magic.
