A superb footballer name, defenders shooting from 30 yards and throw-in paranoia

Adam Hurrey, Charlie Eccleshare and David Walker field the listeners' January entries for Mesut Haaland Dicks, as the Clichés faithful nominate their niche footballing fascinations and irritations.

Among the selections are assistant referees refusing to touch the ball at any point, the geographical hierarchy of English football, tiny ways of keeping yourself amused during televised games you don’t really care about, the "anti-urging" of a centre-back to shoot from 30 yards, journalists tweeting goal updates from games everyone is watching anyway and some very relatable throw-in paranoia.

Meanwhile, the Adjudication Panel enjoy a 90s Irish footballer with a glorious name and question if two players can “swap goals” in a 1-1 draw.

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