356: Stewart Friedman - How To Parent With Purpose & Fuel Your Career

Sustaining excellence = "they take seriously the idea that it's not just about work. It's about life." --> Know what you care about... "It takes courage to look inside yourself."
- Ask yourself, "What am I here to do?" For Stew, "I'm here to help people grow as leaders and make an impact on the world."
What Stew learned from his time as a cab driver: Patience... Everyone is unique. You see how people treat others. "It created a love of geography."
There is a lot of perspective to be gained from working in the service industry.
Stew was hired to run the leadership development program at Ford
- It was important to connect with everyone around him
  - "Be respectful of all people you interact."
  - Humbled -- "I realized I knew nothing when I went to Ford."
    - "I get up there and devise what the next 10 years will look like... And talked about myself the whole time. A key leader pulled me aside and said, 'What the F are you doing?'"
Be WHOLE - It's about you as a whole person both at work and at home.
"Firms that fully embrace the needs and interests of the whole person will win today's competition for the best talent."
"Leading is about mobilizing people toward valued goals."
Learn how to talk with others and show them that you truly value you... LISTEN
- "Ryan, you're one of the most important people to me in my life..."
What does the team need from the leader?
- values, vision, an understanding of the stakeholders
The leadership leap:
- You must care about people
- Understand the specific priorities
- Ask, "What am I missing?"
Total Leadership:
- Projection - "If you had control, what would you be doing?"
- "What's distinctive about you?"
  - Get clarity on what you care about right now
- Identify the most important people in your life
Be innovative -- Constantly experimenting
Create 4 way wins:
- Business
- Family
- Community
- Personal
Take initiative - "What's a win for your company? Your boss?"
"At the individual level, you need to examine what you truly value, share this with key stakeholders in various life domains both to get feedback and support, and then to experiment with new ways of doing things so that - over the arc of a life - you can achieve harmony and have more of what it is that you uniquely want out of life."
Work life integration is a more useful term than work life balance. "Balance is the wrong metaphor."
The four elements, where do you devote your attention?
- Do an assessment - Take 100 points... Divy up how important each of the following are based on your actions:
  - Work
  - Home
  - Community
  - Self
Do you find yourself saying, "I'm not paying enough attention to the things that matter to me."
- "It's like a jazz quartet. Four people paying attention to each other, improvise, respond, make something beautiful over time."
"The only failure is the failure to learn from conscious and deliberate efforts to make things better, even if those attempts fall short of the mark."
Writing Parents Who Lead - Crafting a collective vision. "What does our life look like?"
The question to ask: "How do you be you?"
- "The courageous ones are able to bring that question forward..."