Multiamory: Rethinking Modern Relationships 561 - Level Up Your Polyamory: Common Newbie Mistakes (and How to Fix Them)
Jan 6, 2026
The hosts delve into common mistakes made by newcomers to polyamory. They stress the importance of acknowledging jealousy as a stepping stone for growth. The dangers of applying monogamous expectations in non-monogamous relationships are explored, along with the need for clear communication. With a critique of treating partners as mere role-fillers, they advocate for viewing each person fully. Emphasizing flexibility over rigid rules, the discussion encourages healthy adaptation and the cultivation of trust, while warning against the pitfalls of secrecy and competition.
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Jealousy Is Information, Not Failure
- Jealousy is normal and not a moral failing when starting polyamory.
- Treat jealousy as information to explore rather than something to suppress or deny.
Don't Project Monogamy Onto Polyamory
- People often import monogamous expectations into polyamory and assume everyone means the same thing.
- Clarify what 'polyamory' looks like for each partner instead of assuming shared definitions.
Partners Are People, Not Roles
- Treat partners as whole people rather than role-specific problem solvers.
- Avoid 'Pokemon polyamory' where you hunt partners to fulfil narrow needs.
