The podcast delves into the often unthinkable reality of losing a child, urging parents to confront this painful possibility. Inspired by the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius and Epictetus, it highlights the importance of cherishing every moment. By acknowledging life's fragility, parents are encouraged to embrace their role with love and presence, casting aside petty concerns like societal expectations. Ultimately, it reminds us to value the time we have with our children, making each second count in a cruel world.
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volunteer_activism ADVICE
Think the Unthinkable
Think about the unthinkable, the potential loss of a child, however difficult.
This practice fosters presence and appreciation, allowing you to fully cherish every moment.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Philosophers' Losses
Marcus Aurelius lost five children, and Seneca lost one.
While philosophical training can't prevent grief, it can encourage presence.
insights INSIGHT
Life's Fleeting Nature
Life is fleeting and the world can be cruel; great dads acknowledge this reality.
Don't waste time on trivial matters; focus on being present and loving.
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It’s fitting that one of the most important things you can do as a parent would require you to think about a thing that’s very nearly impossible for a parent to even consider. It comes to us from Marcus Aurelius by way of Epictetus:
As you kiss your son good night, says Epictetus, whisper to yourself, “He may be dead in the morning.” Don’t tempt fate, you say. By talking about a natural event? Is fate tempted when we speak of grain being reaped?
Of course, this is not an easy thing to do. It goes against all our impulses. But we must do it. Because life is fleeting and the world is cruel. Marcus lost 5 children. 5! Seneca, we gather, lost one early too. It should never happen, but it does. It heartbreakingly-world-wreckingly-nobody-deserves-it does. And it’s not that we hope that Marcus Aurelius and Seneca’s philosophical training prepared them for the pain of losing a child (nothing can prepare you for that). What we hope is that this exercise meant they didn’t waste a single second of the time they did get with their beautiful children.
A parent who faces the fact that they can lose a child at any moment is a parent who is present. Who loves. Who does not hold onto stupid things or enforce stupid rules. A great dad looks at the cruel world and says, “I know what you can do to my family in the future, but for the moment you’ve spared me. I will not take that for granted.” Anxiety? Keeping up with the Joneses? Caring about getting into that exclusive pre-school or into Harvard? Who cares?
It can all go away in a second. There’s nothing we can do about that. We can, however, drink in the present. We can be what they need right now.
The Daily Dad