Ask Uncut - He Throws Tantrums When I Say No

Welcome back to ask uncut where we answer your deep and burning questions with the best advice we can! Britt is waving the manifestation wand after receiving a lovely message from one of our lifers! 

Vibes and unsubscribes for the week:
Laura - Unsubscribing shellac nails
Keeshia - Unsubscribing iOS 26 update
Vibing Elizabeth Gilbert “All The Way To The River” 
Britt - Morning Wars Season 4 on Apple TV 

Then we jump into your questions:

HUSBAND DESPERATE FOR ANAL SEX BUT I HATE IT - HOW TO COMPROMISE?
My husband and I have been together for 8 years, married for 5 years, have 3 kids under 5, both running businesses; so chaotic times. This year my husband has been obsessed with getting me to have anal sex to “spice things up”. I have always been a firm no but have recently caved a few times to try it after so much hassling and trying to keep the peace. But I honestly fucking hate it! It hurts, it is not pleasurable and grosses me out. He loved it. My question is how do we compromise on this? I am now fearful of it if he brings it up because if I say no he just throws a temper tantrum. I have tried to have an honest conversation with him about the fact it really hurts me however he feels it’s just something I will get used to. I honestly feel like this is a him problem, he needs to suck it up the fact I’ve had 3 kids and I may not be as tight as it once was. But is there also another side I’m not seeing where I should try to consider his pleasure in this?

 

MY NEW RECEPTIONIST HAS SLEPT WITH MY PARTNER YEARS AGO AND NEITHER OF THEM TOLD ME
I’ve got a sticky situation which I need to unpack. I’ve been with my partner for the past 4 years, we have a great relationship and have just bought our first home together. I work in the medical field and have a new receptionist that started with us 4 months ago. We’ve been getting along really well and it wasn’t until today we had a long conversation making connections about people we knew in town, until she then dropped the bomb that she slept with my partner 5-6yrs ago! Now I’ve been talking about my partner like she didn’t know him and I’ve also been talking about my new receptionist to my partner for the past few months and he never mentioned it.

I was initially shocked and kinda laughed about it. She said she wanted to say something in case someone else ever said anything. When I asked my partner about it, I was laughing the whole time (low key because I’m not good at having tricky conversations) and we both just felt weird at the end. He said he wasn’t ever going to say anything because it didn’t mean anything which I totally get but I kinda feel dumb being the one who didn’t know anything…. I’m after advice on how I should feel because I don’t know if I’m being dramatic in this situation.

MY FRIEND KEEPS LYING TO ME ABOUT COSMETIC SURGERY

So I have a friend that I’ve been friends with since Uni days. For context, we’ve been friends for 15 years now. I know her very, very well and I also know what she looks like. Over the last few years she’s been getting quite a few cosmetic procedures which is great, she looks amazing. The problem is that she always seems to lie about it. Most recently we went out for dinner together and it was very evident that she had her lips done. Now we’re sitting at dinner and I said “oh my gosh, you got your lips done. They look great.” To be fair, they actually didn’t look that great just yet because they were still swollen which is what I mean by the fact that it was very evident. As she has responded to every single other question that I have had around whether or not she’s had any procedures she said “no I didn’t” in almost an offended tone. I don’t care at all. I’m actually all for it if she wants to get anything done; I’ve had my boobs done. But it’s just surprising to me that she feels the need to continuously lie about it. Is it something I should bring up with her or just let it go?

LOSING ATTRACTION
What to do about losing attraction? I have recently realised I have lost my attraction / desire towards my partner. In particular he doesn’t put any effort into grooming, so his beard is always scraggly, and he doesn’t shave his neck. In addition he doesn’t dress well, he doesn’t care about clothes so he often wears clothes that have holes in them (from having them for so long) or don’t look good on him. Now I love him so much, we get along so well, we have the same interests, goals, and he makes me laugh.

We have been together for 4 years and we have a house and a dog together. When we first got together these traits were the same, so nothing has changed other than I think at the start I let it not get to me because I was so happy to have met someone who ticked all the rest off and didn’t want to be superficial. Now however I have lost my sex drive (which used to be high) and we barely have sex - like once a month - and I think it’s because of losing desire towards him. How do I bring this up with my partner without sounding like an asshole… because I truly do love him so much, I just wish he put more effort into how he looked.

 

You can watch us on Youtube

Find us on Instagram

Join us on tiktok

Or join the Facebook Discussion Group

Hosted by Britt Hockley & Laura Byrne

Produced by Keeshia Pettit

Video Produced by Vanessa Beckford

Recorded on Cammeraygal Land

Tell your mum, tell your dad, tell your dog, tell your friend and share the love because WE LOVE LOVE! Xx

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.