Comparing Yourself

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Jan 29, 2025

Explore the sneaky ways self-comparison manifests in perfectionists. Discover the difference between self-awareness and self-coaching, as well as why typical self-comparison tips often backfire. Learn how unrealistic standards amplify feelings of inadequacy and the importance of embracing your individuality. Shift your mindset from punitive self-judgment to celebrating your achievements and understanding the roots of your perfectionistic tendencies. It’s time to feel as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside!

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INSIGHT

The Harm in Comparing

Comparing yourself to others is like telling others they are less worthy.
This mindset harms both yourself and those you compare to.

INSIGHT

Self-Awareness vs. Self-Coaching

Self-awareness means understanding yourself without judgment and with curiosity.
Self-coaching requires personalized tools and practice for sustainable change.

ADVICE

Use Personalized Tools and Support

Use personalized tools to shift perfectionistic patterns instead of generic advice.
Seek professional support to correctly implement tools and avoid harming yourself.

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Comparing yourself all the time? Tired of feeling like you never quite measure up...no matter how much you accomplish? It's not just YOU! Discover the sneaky specific ways self-comparison shows up for perfectionists, the difference between self-awareness + self-coaching, why self-comparison is not your fault but is your responsibility to change.

On paper, you’ve got it together— isn’t it time you felt like it? Whether it's becoming much more DECISIVE in everything you do, stop playing out worst case scenarios in your head or becoming JOYFULLY PRESENT AMBITIOUS again, Perfectionism Optimized, private 1-1 coaching gives you the life-long skills to *finally feel* as amazing on the inside as your life looks on the outside. Get your stress-free start today at https://courtneylovegavin.com/rewire

TIMESTAMPS:

00:00-How you can stop comparing yourself to others
02:32-The Annoying Problem with Surface-Level Self Comparison Tips
03:46-Self Awareness vs. Self Coaching: What's the Difference?
05:34-Dangers of DIY Approaches to Rewiring Perfectionism
07:25-Why “How To Stop COmparing Yourself To Others” tips backfire for perfectionists
12:10-Comparing Insides to Outsides Never Adds Up
14:13-Moving the goalposts
17:49-Punishment vs. Discipline: Changing Behaviors without Pain
19:31-Understanding the Why Behind Your Perfectionistic Tendencies

Resources Mentioned In Episode 245:

Perfect Start Introductory Session Single Coaching Session
Be Proud of Yourself Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 237
Chasing Validation Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 236
Proving Yourself At Work Perfectionism Rewired Ep. 232

Citations/Sources:

McCarthy, P. A., Meyer, T., Back, M. D., & Morina, N. (2023). How we compare: A new approach to assess aspects of the comparison process for appearance-based standards and their associations with individual differences in wellbeing and personality measures. PLOS ONE, 18(1), e0280072–e0280072. https://doi.org/10.1371/journal.pone.0280072

White, J. B., Langer, E. J., Yariv, L., & Welch, J. C. (2006). Frequent Social Comparisons and Destructive Emotions and Behaviors: The Dark Side of Social Comparisons. Journal of Adult Development, 13(1), 36–44. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10804-006-9005-0

Zhou, Y., Yang, Y., Jiang, H., & Guo, C. (2025). Self-comparison versus social-comparison: The impact of imperfection on executive function in perfectionists. Personality and Individual Differences, 234, 112965. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2024.112965

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Perfectionism Rewired is committed to truth and accuracy through a perfectionist affirming lens, offering cutting-edge research on perfectionism, interoception + neuroscience, for the practical perfectionist who wants to enjoy the life they've worked so hard to create.