EP 265: "Don't Try to Fix Her" ~ A Husband's Guide to Supporting His Wife in Eating Disorder Recovery with Kevin Nichol💙

Today is a very special episode. For the first time ever, I'm bringing on a guest. And not just any guest—my husband, Kevin.

If you've been listening to this podcast for a while, you know I talk a lot about my recovery journey, the tools, the strategies, the mindset shifts. But what I don't talk about as much is the man behind the scenes. The man who supports me. The man who holds down the fort so I can record this podcast, run my business, and continue to show up for you every single week.

Kevin is that man. He's the anchor. And it's time for you to meet him.

Here's the truth: Recovery doesn't just affect the person struggling. It affects the whole family. And the support of a partner can make or break the journey.

Kevin met me shortly after my recovery, but he's watched me navigate ups and downs with body image and restrictive behaviors throughout our marriage. He's a law enforcement officer, lifts heavy weights, is in tip-top shape, and constantly pushes himself to the limit. He's an alpha personality—strong, driven, disciplined. And he's also a man of God, a father to our two boys, and the most supportive partner I could ever ask for.

But supporting someone in eating disorder recovery didn't come naturally to him. He had to learn. And today, he's sharing what he learned—for the men listening, and for the women who want their husbands or partners to understand what real support looks like.

In this episode, you'll hear:

• How Kevin met me shortly after recovery and realized it's an ongoing journey, not a one-and-done
• Why his instinct to "fix" me actually created distance instead of intimacy
• The words he thought were supportive that actually made me feel dismissed
• What he did that made me feel the MOST safe and supported
• How he learned not to react in passion or frustration, but to actively listen instead
• Why asking "What do you need right now to feel safe?" changed everything
• How Kevin had to recognize that what HE needs for his body is very different from what I need
• The learning curve of being an alpha male married to someone in ED recovery
• What it really looks like to be "the man behind the biz" (spoiler: it's cooking, cleaning, and holding down the fort)
• Kevin's 5 practical takeaways for men supporting their wives through ED recovery or body image struggles
• A sneak peek at future episodes where Kevin will come back to share more of his perspective

If you're a woman in recovery, send this episode to your husband or partner. If you're a man listening, thank you for being here. Thank you for wanting to support your wife. This episode is for you.

KEY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE

💛 "Your wife doesn't need you to fix her. She needs you to support her. And those are two very different things." - Lindsey

💛 "You don't have to understand everything she's going through to support her. You don't have to have all the answers. But you do have to be willing to listen. And I mean really listen—without trying to fix it, without pressuring her, without making unnecessary comments." - Kevin

💛 "Early on, my instinct was to say things like, 'You're fine. You look great. Just go eat more.' And I thought I was being supportive. But what I didn't realize was that those kinds of comments actually created more distance between us." - Kevin

💛 "That disconnect—it affected intimacy. Not just physical intimacy, but emotional intimacy too." - Lindsey

💛 "I had to learn that sometimes the most supportive thing I can do is just listen. Ask questions. Ask what you need to feel safe. And then do that." - Kevin

💛 "When you asked what I needed instead of assuming, I felt seen. I felt heard. I felt like you were on my team." - Lindsey

💛 "I can't take away the struggle. I can't make the eating disorder voice go away. But I can support you in climbing out of the struggle. I can listen. I can be present. I can remind you who you are." - Kevin

💛 "You don't have to sit in the struggle with her. But you can support her in climbing out. You can be her safe place." - Kevin

💛 "I had to grant you permission to have a different relationship with your body than I have with mine. Your recovery doesn't look like my fitness journey. And that's okay." - Kevin

💛 "Supporting your wife's recovery—or supporting her business, her calling, her purpose—sometimes looks like doing the dishes or making dinner or getting the kids to bed so she can have space to breathe. It's not glamorous. But it matters." - Kevin

💛 "Your job is just to be the anchor." - Kevin

MEET KEVIN NICHOL

Kevin is:

• A law enforcement officer
• A fitness enthusiast who lifts heavy and pushes himself to the limit
• An alpha personality—strong, driven, disciplined
• A man of God
• A father to two boys
• Lindsey's husband and "the man behind the biz"
• The anchor who holds down the fort so Lindsey can do this work

Kevin met Lindsey shortly after her initial recovery, but quickly realized that recovery is ongoing. He's watched her navigate ups and downs with body image and restrictive behaviors throughout their marriage, and he's learned how to support her without trying to fix her.

KEVIN'S 5 PRACTICAL TAKEAWAYS FOR MEN

If you're a man whose wife is struggling with an eating disorder, body image issues, or disordered eating, here's what Kevin wants you to know:

#1: DON'T TRY TO FIX HER

Your job isn't to solve the problem. Your job is to support her while she does the hard work of recovery. That means listening. Asking what she needs. Being present.

#2: WATCH YOUR WORDS

Don't say things like:

• "You're fine"
• "Just eat more"
• "You look great, stop worrying"

Those comments, even though they're well-intentioned, can make her feel dismissed.

Instead, ask: "What do you need from me right now?"

#3: RECOGNIZE THAT WHAT YOU NEED FOR YOUR BODY IS DIFFERENT FROM WHAT SHE NEEDS

If you're into fitness or discipline or pushing your limits, that's great. But don't project that onto her. Grant her permission to have a different relationship with her body.

Your fitness journey is not her recovery journey. And that's okay.

#4: BE HER SAFE PLACE

When she's spiraling, when she's struggling, when the eating disorder voice is loud—be the one who reminds her of the truth.

Remind her:

• She's loved
• She's more than enough
• Her value isn't tied to her body
• She is who God created her to be

#5: DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY

Her struggle isn't about you. It's not because you're not enough or because you're doing something wrong. This is her battle. But you can be her ally.

WHAT KEVIN DID THAT MADE LINDSEY FEEL SAFE

Kevin shares that the most supportive thing he learned to do was:

✅ Not reacting in passion or frustration - Even when he didn't understand why Lindsey was struggling, he learned not to react from confusion or frustration because it only made things worse.

✅ Actively listening - Instead of trying to fix or dismiss, he learned to ask, "What do you need right now to feel safe?"

✅ Taking action based on her needs - Sometimes that meant:

• Cooking dinner so Lindsey didn't have to make food decisions
• Picking the restaurant so she didn't spiral in anxiety
• Reminding her of her truth and worth
• Simply sitting with her without trying to solve anything

The result? Lindsey felt seen. Heard. Supported. Like Kevin was on her team.

THE ALPHA MALE LEARNING CURVE

As someone who lifts heavy weights, is disciplined with fitness, and pushes his body to the limit, Kevin had to learn an important lesson:

What HE needs for his body is very different from what Lindsey needs.

In the beginning, Kevin would talk about his workouts, his macros, his goals—not realizing it could be triggering for Lindsey. Because for him, fitness and discipline are about strength and performance. But for Lindsey, those topics were tied to control, restriction, and shame.

Kevin had to learn:

• To be mindful of how he talked about fitness and discipline
• To grant Lindsey permission to have a different relationship with her body than he has with his
• That her recovery doesn't look like his fitness journey—and that's okay

Lindsey says: "That was one of the most loving things you did for me. You gave me permission to be different. To need different things. To heal in my own way."

THE MAN BEHIND THE BIZ

Kevin doesn't get a lot of recognition, but he's the anchor. He's the one who makes it possible for Lindsey to do this work.

What that looks like practically:

• Cooking meals
• Cleaning the house
• Taking care of the boys so Lindsey can record the podcast
• Getting the kids to bed so Lindsey can do yoga or self-care
• Holding down the fort so Lindsey can show up for her clients and her calling

Kevin says: "Supporting your wife's recovery—or supporting her business, her calling, her purpose—sometimes looks like doing the dishes or making dinner or getting the kids to bed so she can have space to breathe. It's not glamorous. But it matters."

And it matters SO much.

WHAT'S NEXT: KEVIN IS COMING BACK

This is the first of what we hope will be many episodes with Kevin. Future topics might include:

• What NOT to Say to Your Wife About Food or Body
• How to Be Her Safe Place When She's Spiraling
• Navigating Intimacy When She's Struggling with Body Image
• The Man's Perspective on Recovery: What You're Really Feeling (And How to Handle It)

If you're a woman listening: Send this episode to your husband or partner. Share it. Tag us on Instagram. Let's open up this conversation.

If you're a man listening: Thank you for being here. Thank you for wanting to support your wife. We're going to keep creating content that helps you do that.

NEED SUPPORT IN YOUR RECOVERY? WORK WITH LINDSEY

💛 THE RECOVERY COLLECTIVE

This is my group coaching community where women come together to heal, support each other, and do the deep work of recovery. You'll have access to me, monthly coaching calls, and a sisterhood that gets you.

www.herbestself.co/recoverycollective 

💛 1:1 PERSONALIZED COACHING

If you're ready for deep, transformational work, if you want someone in your corner who's going to hold you accountable and remind you who you are—let's work together.

👉 Head to www.herbestself.co and fill out a client application.

And if you're a man listening and you want to reach out? You can do that too. I'd love to hear from you. I'd love to support you in supporting her.

Connect with Lindsey:

🌟 Website: www.herbestself.co 🌟 Instagram: @thelindseynichol 🌟 Client Application: HBS Co. Recovery Coaching - Client Application - Google Forms

Love this episode? Here's how you can support the show:

💕 Share it with a woman who might need to hear this message 💕 Leave a review on Apple Podcasts - it helps other women find the show 💕 Screenshot and tag @thelindseynichol if any of these steps help you this week!

Remember, beautiful: Your worth is not measured by how perfectly you do recovery. Healing isn't linear, progress over perfection always, and you are exactly where you need to be right now.

Her Best Self with Lindsey Nichol is a podcast for women in eating disorder recovery who are ready to break free from perfectionism, people-pleasing, and diet culture to live authentically and wholeheartedly.

*While I am a certified health coach, anorexia survivor & eating disorder recovery coach, I do not intend the use of this message to serve as medical advice. Please refer to the disclaimer here in the show & be sure to contact a licensed clinical provider if you are struggling with an eating disorder.