129. Connect Deeply: How to Communicate So People Feel Seen and Heard
Feb 13, 2024
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New York Times Opinion columnist David Brooks shares how to communicate so people feel seen and heard. He explores vulnerability and creating space for others to be vulnerable as the key to deeper connections. Brooks and host Matt Abrahams discuss fundamentals of communicating with vulnerability and empathy, outlining skills to connect more deeply in relationships.
Being emotionally open and present is essential for building deep connections and fostering trust in personal and professional relationships.
Empathy, developed through self-awareness, reading literature, and roleplaying, is the key to overcoming barriers to connection and understanding others' emotions.
Deep dives
The Importance of Connection and Relationships
David Brooks discusses the importance of connection and relationships. He emphasizes the value of being emotionally open and present in personal and professional settings. Brooks explains that recognizing and valuing individuals leads to trust and better outcomes in various aspects of life, including business and politics. Brooks highlights that social skills, such as active listening and effective communication, can be taught and developed, enabling people to connect more deeply with others.
Barriers to Connection and Building Empathy
Brooks identifies several barriers to connection, including egotism, anxiety, limited worldview, and inadequate questioning. He emphasizes that building empathy is key to overcoming these barriers. Brooks defines empathy as the ability to understand and share someone else's emotions. He breaks down empathy into three components: understanding one's own fallibility, mirroring the emotions of others, and demonstrating genuine care. Brooks suggests that reading literature, engaging in roleplaying, and improving self-awareness can enhance empathy skills.
Effective Communication and Public Speaking
Brooks provides advice on effective communication and public speaking. He underscores the importance of trust and vulnerability when speaking to an audience. He recommends building rapport through humor and actively engaging with the audience. Brooks also encourages incorporating storytelling into speeches as a powerful means of conveying messages. Lastly, he suggests watching Brian Stevenson's speeches for inspiration, as Stevenson effectively uses storytelling to communicate his points.
All too often, we communicate without really connecting. The key to building deep connections with others, says David Brooks, is to make them feel seen and heard.
Brooks is a writer for the New York Times, the Atlantic, and the best-selling author of several books. In his latest, How to Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen, he explores how vulnerability — both being vulnerable ourselves and creating space for others to be as well — is the key to fostering deeper connections at home, at work, and throughout our lives. “[People] need to be seen, heard, and understood,” he says. “If you hide yourself from the emotional intimacies of life, you're hiding yourself from life itself.”
In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Brooks and host Matt Abrahams discuss the fundamentals of communicating with vulnerability and empathy, outlining the skills that anyone can learn and use to connect more deeply in their relationships.