Learn how to handle resistance and power struggles with children in everyday tasks. Strategies for dressing, brushing teeth, and dealing with dilly-dallying behaviors are discussed. The emotional crisis children face when a new sibling is introduced is also explored.
35:44
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Quick takeaways
Simplifying routines and minimizing the agenda for children can reduce resistance and power struggles.
Parents should prioritize understanding and supporting their children, focusing on partnership rather than control.
Deep dives
1. Helping Children with Resistance and Transitions
In this episode, the podcast host discusses the challenges parents face when their children resist daily routines and transitions. The host emphasizes the importance of understanding the child's perspective and partnering with them rather than trying to exert control. Simplifying and minimizing the agenda for children, saying less, and offering help sooner are key strategies mentioned. The host advises parents to anticipate potential resistance and be mentally prepared for it. By approaching these situations with empathy and a focus on partnership, parents can reduce power struggles and foster a greater sense of cooperation.
2. Recognizing Children's Needs and Addressing Transitions
The podcast episode highlights the importance of recognizing and addressing children's needs when they resist daily activities. Parents are encouraged to consider the impact of major life changes, such as the arrival of a new sibling, on a child's behavior. Providing early and proactive support can help children navigate these transitions more smoothly. Instead of engaging in negotiation or power struggles, the host suggests parents offer gentle assistance and temporarily let go of control in certain situations. By being present, understanding, and adjusting expectations, parents can create a more harmonious environment for their children.
3. Letting Go of Control and Avoiding Power Struggles
The podcast delves into the concept of letting go of control and avoiding power struggles with children. The host advises parents to simplify their approach, offering help without extensive explanations or negotiations. By taking action earlier and joining their children in tasks, parents demonstrate partnership rather than attempting to make children comply. The importance of focusing on the child's feelings and needs is highlighted, allowing parents to better understand their child's behavior and respond with empathy. Letting go of unnecessary control and embracing a partnership mindset can improve cooperation and reduce the intensity of power struggles.
4. Redefining Success and Parenting with Partnership
The podcast episode encourages parents to redefine success in parenting and embrace a partnership approach. Instead of focusing on pure compliance, the host urges parents to prioritize understanding and supporting their children. The episode addresses common parenting concerns, such as resistance during mealtimes, getting ready, and doing homework. The importance of letting go of excessive control and expectations is emphasized, allowing children to develop self-motivation and independence at their own pace. By recognizing the individuality of each child and nurturing a loving partnership, parents can promote their children's growth and well-being.
Kids can wear down our patience when they seem to resist or stall us with everything we need them to do—even when we're only asking them to move through the predictable routines in their day like getting out of bed, going to or leaving school, brushing their teeth, and so on. The constant pushback and struggle make it feel impossible to stay unruffled.
In this episode, Janet shares an easy-to-remember, viable alternative to the strategies, games, scripts, threats, patient waiting, or coaxing we may have unsuccessfully tried in the past (while also explaining why those responses don't tend to be sustainable). She offers examples through two letters. One parent, who resorts to eventually picking up her toddlers when they resist, shares: "My 3-year-old is getting much heavier, stronger, and faster, so the moments of resistance are becoming more difficult to overcome without struggle, and I don't know what I will do in a year or two when he becomes even faster and stronger." Another parent asks: "Is this level of dilly-dallying normal? If so, how should we deal with that? If the gentle ways don't work, threats don't work (or even make things worse in the long run), what else can we do?"
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.
Her best-selling books No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline without Shame and Elevating Child Care: A Guide to Respectful Parenting are available in all formats at Amazon, Apple, Barnes & Noble, and Google Play.
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