Over It And On With It EP 477: How to Believe Without a Shadow of a Doubt That You Are Lovable with Sarah
In this transformative coaching session, Christine guides Sarah, a 39-year-old single woman, through releasing guilt, healing her self-worth, and letting go of codependent patterns in relationships. Sarah shares the profound guilt she feels after leaving an abusive marriage, particularly since her ex-husband later passed away. Struggling with feelings of responsibility, she’s found herself repeating self-sacrificing patterns and attracting emotionally unavailable partners. Christine helps Sarah uncover how her childhood experiences of emotional neglect and caretaking shaped her beliefs about love and self-worth.
As they delve deeper, Sarah realizes that her guilt and sense of responsibility are rooted in early family dynamics, where she learned to prioritize others’ needs over her own. Christine encourages her to reconnect with her inner “adult self”—a wise, grounded voice within her that initially gave her the strength to leave her toxic marriage. This part of Sarah is key to rebuilding her confidence, trusting her instincts, and setting healthy boundaries.
The conversation highlights how our subconscious often seeks familiar relationship dynamics from childhood, making it challenging to break-free from harmful cycles. For Sarah, Christine suggests focusing on cultivating self-worth by reframing her inner dialogue and practicing self-care over dating. By pausing romantic pursuits, Sarah can create the inner stability needed to attract healthier connections, and leave behind codependent tendencies.
Consider/Ask Yourself:
- Have you been drawn to relationships where your needs are ignored or undervalued?
- Do you struggle with guilt when setting boundaries or prioritizing self-care?
- Are you holding yourself responsible for something that was never truly in your control?
The Guest’s Key Insights & A-HA’s:
- Sarah realizes she has been unconsciously choosing emotionally unavailable partners, mirroring her unmet needs from childhood.
- She understands that her lingering guilt about leaving her ex-husband has fueled codependent behaviors.
- Her “adult Sarah” voice, which led her to leave her marriage, is an essential inner resource she can rely on.
- Sarah sees how the part of her focused-on guilt, and self-punishment needs to make way for self-love and healing.
How to Get Over It and On With It:
- Prioritize Self-Worth: Reframe your self-image by focusing on your worth outside of relationship dynamics.
- Reconnect with Your Inner Child: Address the needs of your inner child and give yourself permission to release old survival strategies.
- Focus on Self-Growth: Take dating off the table temporarily to focus on self-healing practices.
- Seek Healthy Relational Dynamics: Cultivate relationships where you feel seen, safe, and appreciated rather than diminished.
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