Author Min Jin Lee, known for Pachinko, discusses unpacking parents' pasts. Tips on connecting, discussing family history with care. Navigating sensitive topics, abuse in Asian American families, and passing down family heirlooms.
Approach conversations about parents' pasts with clear intentions and gentleness.
Prioritize self-protection and emotional readiness when discussing family trauma and mental health history.
Deep dives
Arthi's Family Struggles and Unlikely Bond with her Father
Arthi Shahani, a non-engineer from a family of seamstresses and shopkeepers, faced challenges with her father, Namdev, who turned out to be her unlikely confidant after being arrested and facing deportation. Their legal crisis led to a deep friendship, revealing Namdev’s remarkable life story shaped by civil war, migration, and sacrifices for family.
Strategies for Communicating with Parents about Their Lives
The discussion delves into tips for approaching conversations with parents about their pasts, emphasizing setting clear intentions, proceeding with gentleness, and waiting for the right moment for these sensitive dialogues. Emphasizing the importance of compassion and caution, the narrative highlights the value of understanding and empathy in these familial interactions.
The Impact of Open Communication and Self-Protection in Family Dialogues
The episode also addresses the complexities of discussing family trauma and mental health history, urging individuals to prioritize self-protection and emotional readiness before engaging in difficult conversations. It underscores the necessity of creating boundaries and distances for healing, especially in cases of abuse or adverse family dynamics, promoting self-care and setting personal boundaries above immediate resolution.
You might not know a lot about your parent's life before they had you: their childhood dreams, their first love, their heartbreaks. If you're a child of immigrants, there might be even less you know due to language barriers or traumatic experiences. But all of these things are passed down through generations. This episode, journalist and writer Aarti Shahani interviews Min Jin Lee, author of Pachinko, and three other writers about how to unpack your parent's past with them — and how doing so can both bring you closer and help you better understand yourself.