It’s All Your Fault: High Conflict People

REBROADCAST: Who Are High Conflict People?

10 snips

Aug 4, 2022

Discover the traits of high conflict personalities, from blazing accusations to extreme emotional reactions. Learn how these individuals often deflect blame and why their behavior can be predictable with the right insights. This episode dives into the psychological foundations of these personalities, discussing genetics, upbringing, and cultural influences. Gain practical tools like EAR statements—Empathy, Attention, Respect—to effectively engage with HCPs, helping to diffuse tension and promote understanding in challenging interactions.

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INSIGHT

HCPs Are Few But Predictable

High conflict people (HCPs) are about 10% of the population and act in ways 90% of people would not.
Their behavior is predictable once you learn their narrow pattern of blaming and unmanaged emotions.

ANECDOTE

Confrontation During A Training

Bill describes a lawyer who yelled he was "the highest conflict person in the room" and accused him of wasting time.
Bill froze, recognized unusual behavior, and later used techniques to handle HCPs in trainings.

INSIGHT

Three Roots Of Conflict Personality

Personality comes from genes, early childhood, and culture interacting to shape conflict styles.
HCP patterns can emerge from inherited traits, early relationship experiences, and today's self-focused culture.

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REBROADCAST

In today’s episode, we look at what makes up a high conflict person and talk about EAR Statements.

Blamers. Narcissists. Accusers. Ragers. These are all people who may fall into the category of High Conflict Personality. Most of us don’t act this way, but these people don’t often realize they’re acting this way and can’t control themselves. So should you engage? Or should you learn how to deal with them? If you guessed the latter, you’d be right.
Many people say these people are unpredictable, but Megan and Bill talk about how these people actually are very predictable... if you know what to look for. Several things can lead to people becoming HCPs. It could be genetic or could come from how they were raised. And because of this, HCPs can exist anywhere in the world. So how do you deal with them?
Well, the first step is learning to identify them. They will usually blame anyone but themselves, and they’ll never be able to connect the dots back to themselves. They rarely take responsibility for their own actions. But the feelings are so strongly in them that they can’t have their mind changed. Once you realize you’re dealing with an HCP, definitely don’t tell them they’re an HCP. It’s likely going to trigger them further.

If you’re in a situation with an HCP, try an EAR Statement.

Empathy. Attention Respect. These tools may seem opposite to how you’d normally deal with a person who is confronting you, but remember, you’re not an HCP. The HCP needs this so you can get out of the situation you’re in. It’s hard, but give it a try.
We’d love to hear your stories so we can talk through them on the show! Please visit our site and click the Submit a Question button at the top of the page. You can also send us an email at podcast@highconflictinstitute.com or send us a note on any of our socials.
Please rate, review and share this show!

Links & Other Notes

Submit a Question for Bill and Megan
Article – ‘What is a High Conflict Individual’
Article – ‘Calming Upset People Fast with an EAR Statement™’
Online course for attorneys/judges – Understanding & Managing High Conflict People in Legal Disputes
Online course for anyone – Calming Upset People with an EAR Statement
Online Course: Who Are High Conflict People?
Book: 5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life
Book: Calming Upset People with EAR
All of our books can be found in our online store or anywhere books are sold, including as e-books.

(00:00) - Welcome to It's All Your Fault
(01:41) - What is a High Conflict Person?
(05:28) - Why and How are HCPs Different?
(08:48) - Why Are They Like This and Why Don't They Change?
(12:43) - Why They Blame
(15:24) - How to Deal With HCPs
(20:16) - Getting Hooked
(24:09) - Breaking Down Megan's Story
(27:44) - Using EAR Statements
(32:13) - Reminders & Coming Next Week: BIFF Response