Dr. Duana Welch, author of Love Factually, discusses attachment styles in relationships and how they impact compatibility. She emphasizes the importance of relying on scientific studies for relationship advice. The podcast also explores the differences in time horizons between married couples and cohabiting couples. Overall, it highlights the significance of data and research in dating.
Understanding your attachment style is crucial for building healthier relationships.
It is possible to change your attachment style through cognitive behavioral therapy.
Marriage offers numerous benefits, including better health outcomes, higher life satisfaction, and more fulfilling sexual relationships.
Deep dives
Attachment Styles and Relationships
Attachment styles play a crucial role in our relationships. There are four main attachment styles: secure (A), anxious (B), avoidant-fearful (C), and avoidant-dismissive (D). People with a secure attachment style find it easy to get close to others, while those with an anxious style worry about abandonment and seek excessive closeness. Avoidant individuals are uncomfortable with emotional intimacy and may fear dependence. It is important to understand your own attachment style and choose a partner with a compatible style for a healthier relationship.
Changing Attachment Styles
While it can be challenging, it is possible to change your attachment style. Cognitive behavioral therapy can help by training individuals to notice and redirect their thoughts. For anxious individuals, this means challenging anxious thoughts and redirecting them to align with reality. Avoidant individuals can benefit from questioning their fear of emotional intimacy and challenging their belief that independence and emotional closeness are mutually exclusive. However, it is rare for avoidant individuals to change their attachment style willingly, so it may be better for them to seek out a partner with a similar avoidant style.
Benefits of Secure Attachment
Having a secure attachment style has numerous benefits for relationships and overall well-being. Secure individuals experience higher satisfaction levels in their relationships and have greater emotional security, as they do not worry about being abandoned or being too close to their partner. They are also more likely to have better outcomes in areas such as career advancement, financial stability, and overall health. Additionally, secure individuals tend to have more fulfilling and satisfying sexual relationships.
The Relationship between Cohabitation and Marriage
Contrary to common belief, research suggests that cohabitation before marriage does not increase the likelihood of a successful marital relationship. In fact, studies indicate that couples who live together before marriage are more likely to face difficulties in their relationship. One reason for this may be that cohabiters tend to have a different time horizon when it comes to commitment and investment in the relationship. Cohabiting individuals often have a temporary mindset, focusing on the short-term aspects of the relationship rather than long-term commitment. However, living together after an engagement or when already planning to marry does not have the same negative impact, as the commitment and mindset align with the goals of marriage.
Benefits of Marriage
Marriage offers several advantages compared to other relationship arrangements. Married individuals have better health outcomes and are less likely to die from various causes. They also report higher life satisfaction and happiness levels. Additionally, married couples tend to have more and better-quality sex compared to singles or cohabiting couples. Marriage also provides a sense of security, support, and motivation to pursue personal and career goals. Children of married couples generally have better outcomes in various areas of their lives, including academic success and well-being. Overall, marriage offers numerous benefits for individuals and their partnerships.
Dr. Duana Welch (@duanawelch) is known for applying social science to real-life relationship issues and is the author of Love Factually: 10 Proven Steps from I Wish to I Do, the only book that applies science to your love life from before you meet until you commit. The Cheat Sheet:
Learn the four Attachment Styles and what they say about you and your relationships: Secure, Anxious/Ambivalent, Avoidant/Dismissive, and Avoidant/Fearful. How can you change your attachment style if you want to, and why do some opposites get attracted even though they're dead wrong for each other? You should be pessimistic about being single instead of being in a relationship because it’s probably going to kill you faster than being in a relationship. Married couples live with a much longer time-horizon than cohabiting couples. Science is about odds, not about certainty. And so much more...
Show notes at http://theartofcharm.com/podcast-episodes/duana-welch-science-based-dating-episode-459/ HELP US SPREAD THE WORD! If you dig the show, please subscribe in iTunes and write us a review! This is what helps us stand out from the crowd and help people find the credible advice they need. Review the show in iTunes! We rely on it! http://www.theartofcharm.com/mobilereview Stay Charming!
