S7 E5 | Am I Trying To Control What Is Actually out of My Control?
Oct 17, 2024
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Heartbreak can trigger relentless thought spirals, making it hard to break free from anxiety. Explore the intricate balance between trust and control in relationships, and how personal battles with uncertainty can weigh heavily on emotional well-being. Discover the importance of self-reflection and emotional regulation when navigating life's challenges. Embrace the need to surrender certain controls to a higher power while seeking personal responses to regain a sense of security. Unpack the complex dynamics of stewardship versus authoritarian control for a more fulfilling life.
Acknowledging thought spirals as a response to fear helps individuals understand their urge to control unmanageable situations in life.
Fostering self-reflection and focusing on what is within one's control can alleviate anxiety and promote resilience amidst uncertainty.
Deep dives
Understanding Thought Spirals
Thought spirals emerge as a response to fear and a desire for control in one’s life, particularly following experiences of trauma or heartbreak. The speaker reflects on her personal ability to jump to worst-case scenarios, a habit exacerbated by past events where those fears did become reality. She recognizes that her thought spiraling often serves as a mechanism to regain a sense of control, driven by an underlying anxiety about unpredictable outcomes in life and relationships. Acknowledging this behavior becomes essential in addressing the dysfunction of attempting to manage situations that are ultimately beyond her influence.
The Illusion of Control
The desire to control situations is linked to deeper issues of trust, highlighting how much reliance on personal control can be both an illusion and a form of pride. The speaker admits that what she cannot trust, she tends to control, often trying to navigate others' decisions to avoid negative consequences that could affect her. This pattern leads to unhealthy dynamics, as she grapples with the realization that such attempts at control do not deter the uncertainties of life. Ultimately, it is acknowledged that a true sense of safety cannot stem from controlling others, but rather from establishing trust in both relationships and faith.
The Need for Self-Reflection
Self-reflection plays a crucial role in breaking out of the cycle of thought spirals and the illusion of control. By recognizing the futility of attempting to manage the behaviors of others or external circumstances, one can shift focus to personal stewardship instead. This involves assessing what is genuinely within one's control while accepting the boundaries of what cannot be managed. By bringing thoughts back to the present and internalizing the notion of surrender, one finds a pathway to alleviate anxiety related to unmanageable concerns.
The Power of Present Moment Awareness
Being present allows for a realistic assessment of obstacles, which is essential for managing anxiety and preventing overwhelming spirals. Practicing acknowledgment of both worst-case and best-case scenarios can help ground thoughts in the reality of the present moment. The act of outlining tangible actions that can be taken today, versus worrying about future uncertainties, fosters a sense of agency without veering into control. Embracing the notion that different outcomes can still be positive helps cultivate resilience and a clearer perspective on the unpredictability of life.
When you have experienced heartbreak or betrayal, it’s hard not to fall into thought spirals. You may find yourself bracing for impact as you think: If this worst-case scenario happened in the past, when will something else bad happen again?
But if we’re honest … So many times, we spiral in our thoughts about things we can’t control.
In this episode, Lysa, Jim and Joel will help you see that even when you're spiraling, you may feel powerless but you have choices you can make to find your way forward.
Related Resources:
We'd like to thank the American Association of Christian Counselors for partnering with us to sponsor Season 7 of Therapy & Theology. Click here to apply for their Mental Health Coach program, where you'll be equipped to respond to friends walking through tough issues and situations.