Ones Ready Ep 495: Danielle Sebastian - He’s Not a Narcissist—You’re Just in a Trauma Loop
Danielle Sebastian has heard it all: “Just leave him.” “You deserve better.” “Try date night.” After years of battling confusion, control issues, and emotional chaos in her marriage to a childhood trauma survivor, she realized what most advice was missing—actual tools that work in real life. Now a trauma-informed relationship coach, bestselling author, and founder of WifeCARE, Danielle helps partners stop walking on eggshells and start rebuilding connection. In this episode, she drops gold: how trauma rewires relationships, why normal couples therapy fails, and what to do when your partner’s nervous system is sabotaging your marriage. If you've ever wondered “Is this PTSD... or is he just an asshole?”—this one's for you.
🔥 Key Takeaways:
- 🧠 Danielle’s CARE framework: calm the chaos, stop rug-sweeping, and finally reconnect
- 🤯 The average man reveals childhood sexual abuse at age 52—let that sink in
- 🔁 Why love languages and I-statements don’t work in high-trigger households
- 🚩 Spotting trauma response vs. straight-up toxicity
- 📺 From pharmacist to “Love and Trauma: The Real Deal” TV host—why Danielle had to become the guide she never had
⏱️ Timestamps:
00:00 – Ones Ready intro + pipeline gear plug
02:10 – Nashville Operator Training Summit reminder
03:05 – Meet Danielle: author, coach, pharmacist, trauma-battle-tested
05:20 – The marriage story that launched WifeCARE
10:00 – When your partner’s control issues aren’t about control
12:30 – PTSD treatment, dysregulation, and when therapy backfires
17:10 – CARE framework: pause, detach, reconnect
21:00 – Stop “taking it personally” (without losing your mind)
29:30 – Trauma vs. narcissism—what’s the actual difference?
36:00 – Gen Z’s empathy drought: Why everyone just says “leave”
42:00 – Conversation scripts that don’t start World War III
46:00 – Why Sunday night calendar meetings are setting you up to fail
49:30 – Biggest myth: “If he doesn’t change, nothing will”
56:00 – The buried trauma you don’t know is wrecking your marriage
59:00 – WifeCARE, retreats, and building the support she never had
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