My Toddler Won't Separate or Warm Up to Anyone Else
Nov 28, 2023
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Learn how to help a two and a half year old overcome separation anxiety and become more comfortable with family members by respecting their feelings. Explore strategies for introducing the child to other caregivers gradually. Challenge traditional notions of letting babies cry and instead accept and acknowledge their emotions. Discover techniques for introducing a baby to someone new while respecting their comfort levels. Understand the importance of validating and acknowledging children's emotions and needs.
25:28
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Quick takeaways
Acknowledging and validating a child's discomfort when separating from their primary caregiver can create a safe space for them to express their feelings and promote growth and bonding.
Welcoming and accepting a child's discomfort with being held by others, especially if they are naturally more sensitive, can help them feel understood and respected, allowing for gradual exposure and eventual trust-building with others.
Deep dives
Understanding Children's Slow Warm-Up to Others
It is common for children to be slower to warm up to people other than their primary caregiver. This is because they are comfortable and familiar with their caregiver and getting comfortable with someone new requires an adjustment. Some children, especially those who are more sensitive, may find it harder to accept touch or the way someone holds them. It is important for parents to respect their child's feelings and not force them into uncomfortable situations. By acknowledging and validating their child's discomfort, parents can create a safe space for their child to express their feelings. It is also crucial for parents to understand that accommodating a child's discomfort only keeps them stuck in that discomfort, whereas welcoming their feelings allows for growth and bonding.
Welcoming a Child's Feelings
One effective approach for helping a child navigate separation anxiety and discomfort with others is to welcome and validate their feelings. Instead of trying to distract or entertain the child to make them comfortable, parents should acknowledge their child's uneasiness and create an environment that allows them to express their emotions. By openly discussing their child's feelings, parents can help the child feel heard and understood. This approach requires bravery and a willingness to invite and accept discomfort, but it can strengthen the parent-child bond and help the child feel more secure in navigating new experiences.
Recognizing the Inborn Personality and Responding Respectfully
Parents should recognize that a child's discomfort with being held by others may be related to their inborn personality. Some children are naturally more sensitive and may require more time and gradual exposure to feeling comfortable with others. It is crucial for parents to offer a respectful and accepting environment that validates their child's reluctance to be held by others. Instead of trying to force the child into uncomfortable situations, parents should focus on allowing the child to go at their own pace and reassuring them that their feelings are understood and respected. By creating a safe space for the child to express their discomfort, parents can support their child's emotional development and help them build trust with others over time.
While it's flattering to be a toddler's chosen one, being prized can become a drain when our child's dependency gets out of hand. In this episode, a mom writes to Janet for help with her 2.5-year-old daughter, who she says has always had separation anxiety and continues to need the mom's constant presence to feel comfortable and happy. Whenever this parent tries to separate, even when it's only to the next room, her toddler cries. "She is never soothed or comforted by other family members (even her dad) and will only accept comforting from me." Janet offers a small adjustment this parent might make in her response and explains how this can help her toddler or a child of any age, even a baby, feel more trusting and comfortable when separating and in the company of others.
Learn more about Janet's "No Bad Kids Master Course" at: NoBadKidsCourse.com.