If you or someone you know is a single twenty-something, who is battling a sexual addiction, Max’s story will hit home. His journey begins as a young boy when his childhood is cut short by the dissolution of his family and the ensuing aftermath. The wounds of his childhood are cut deeper by the loss of an intimate relationship and he plummets into a dark depression, with addiction as his only parachute. Eventually, he turns and faces the God that he has fled for so long and healing begins.
Max’s addiction began as a curiosity at ten years old after being exposed to pornography by his brother and cousin at a sleepover. Curiosity would quickly evolve into addiction as he suffered through trauma after trauma that would rob him of his childhood. In sixth grade, his parents separated. In seventh, his mother attempted suicide. In eighth, his parents divorced.
After enduring these painful experiences, Max set out to be the perfect child in an effort to prevent adding trouble to an already troubled family. Even in all of this, Max was baptized and confirmed in the Catholic church. Yet felt that God was distant. His father had taught him that he had to earn everything in life, so why wouldn’t he have to earn God’s love?
Max saw a glimmer of hope while dating his girlfriend from high school into college - he opened up to her and started addressing the wounds of loss and betrayal from his childhood. While the relationship offered a safe space, it became very codependent. Max was thrown into a downward spiral when the relationship ended and entered what would be the height of his addiction. He fell into a deep depression to the point of suicidal thinking and acted out multiple times a day to numb the pain.
Healing began in the form of talks with his mother. Who guided him out of the dark place where she had once been. He began attending the Catholic church where he felt loved and accepted unconditionally. His vulnerability and courage led him to a few other men in his congregation who were seeking sobriety. Ultimately, Max courageously formed his own band of brothers who are fighting for recovery together.
Max now sees God as a “passionate lover”, to use the words of John Eldredge. He finds himself praying constantly and invites God into every moment. He sees now that whenever he was surfing the internet for porn, he was really “surfing for God”, and that God was searching for him all along. For those single 18-22 year-olds doubting if they can follow Max’s path, he says “God will reward you for your courage. Find your own band of brothers and start recovery together.”
Resources:
- Books
- Wild at Heart by John Elderidge (ever heard of it?)
- Surfing for God: Discovering the Divine Desire Beneath Sexual Struggle by John M. Cusick
- Groups: make your own “Band of Brothers!”
- Song: “Love Broke Thru” - Toby Mac