the validation trap: why we crave being liked & why its a lie
Jun 25, 2025
Dive into the complex world of seeking validation from others. The hosts reflect on how this desire infiltrates childhood, friendships, and identity, revealing the psychological toll it takes. They discuss the influence of social media, where curated lives can amplify the need for approval. Personal anecdotes shed light on how career choices and upbringing shape our quest for worthiness. Expect a candid exploration of emotional costs and the journey toward self-acceptance, setting the stage for deeper insights in part two.
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question_answer ANECDOTE
Performing to Be Liked
Cara shared how she performed extroversion in high school to gain approval from a classmate despite not admiring her.
She described the exhausting process of rewriting conversations mentally for better comebacks.
question_answer ANECDOTE
Validation Hurts Friendships
Cara described how seeking validation from boys in school led her to act in ways that hurt friendships.
She admitted craving attention to confirm her worth, causing confusion and internal struggle.
insights INSIGHT
Validation Is Evolutionary
Validation seeking is hardwired biologically due to evolutionary survival needs from group acceptance.
Rejection triggers physical pain in the brain, illustrating how deeply ingrained this need is.
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this week (part 1 of our external validation series), we’re deep diving into a topic that’s come up again and again across our episodes : seeking external validation. Inspired by a beautiful piece of writing that perfectly captured our feelings (we read it at the start of the episode!), we reflect on our own relationships with validation, how it’s shaped our childhoods, friendships, and identities. from the desire to be liked in school, to the performative nature of social media, to internalising rejection from people we don’t even admire… we’re unpacking it all. we also explore the psychology behind validation seeking. it’s a vulnerable one, and we hope it makes you feel a little more understood 🤍
part 2 will be out next week where we get into the emotional cost of it all as well as our little toolkit on how to stop seeking it!
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