Wellness + Wisdom Podcast AMA | Abandonment: Becoming A Friend To The Fear
Wellness + Wisdom Podcast Host and Wellness Force Media CEO, Josh Trent, shares how to handle your fear of abandonment and understand where the fear is coming from.
Today's QuestionJosh: How to befriend your fear of abandonment?
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Listen To Episode 673 As Josh Trent Answers Your Questions [00:00] Intro
What's up, everyone? It's Josh Trent. Welcome back to the podcast. This is Wellness + Wisdom, the place where we explore the 5 sides of you, of us. What are these 5 sides? Why are they so important, by the way?
You clicked, you came over here for a reason. That reason is very powerful and it is, there's a part of you that's wanting to expand to be the most excellent version of yourself. But in my opinion, we cannot be that excellent version unless we are nourishing the physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, and the financial part of ourself.
This is what this podcast is all about. If you're looking for a full-length guest episode, that's gonna be on Tuesday. So this may or may not be the perfect place for you to start.
This is where myself and my co-pilot in this consciousness discovery, her name is Mar, I'll introduce her in just a second. We go deep into how do we actually nourish these 5 sides of us? How do we practically do it?
What's the stuff that comes up for us in this modern world that is ours and what's not ours? And how do we have the wisdom to decipher between those 2 things? This is what I believe liberation is built upon.
Can I say no to anything and everyone that does not align with my soul, that does not align with who I actually am and the person that I'm becoming?
Now at first audio, you might be like how the hell do you do that? Well, that's why there is an entire dedicated to this.
[02:40] Do You Get Triggered? Good.Today my intention with this AMA was that came up for me personally. So I feel like the best place to speak and to teach is from the inside. And I think that inside of all of us, there is a little boy and a little girl that either got what they needed in childhood they didn't.
And when I say got what they needed, what I mean by that is got what they needed to feel free, to feel peaceful, to feel like they have a nervous system that functions and is responsive instead of reactive. Can you relate to this more?
Have you ever felt responsive at times where you're like, wow, I'm doing a good job of regulating and then there's other moments with people or things where you're like, damn, I was totally reactive. Have you felt that before? Oh, who hasn't?
I feel like every day there's a situation where can confront it either with a reaction or a response. Like it happens every single day. And I feel like the more situations you get into, the more you're able to respond instead of react.
And I could tell you so many examples of how that showed up in my past relationships, or even now that I'm single, like sometimes I can see it in situations that surprise me that are still like can react and I'm like, where's this even coming from? I didn't even know this was still in me. So sometimes yeah, it can surprise me too.
I know you've already heard this, but I'm gonna say it again.
Do you know what I'm about to Ram Dass? Oh, I think I know. I'm going to go for it because look, it's so important. And if this first time you're joining us, hit subscribe, wherever you're listening and share this, because what I'm about to share with you is so true.
I don't care if you've been on the spiritual path for a day or a decade, like this is true y'all. When Ram Dass, one of the greatest spiritual teachers, I think really of the past 100 years, came back from India, he had been in India for decades and he was meeting with ascended masters and caves and learning himself and detachment and the personalization and depolarization of self.
His dad picked him up from the airport and within moments he was triggered. And so he put in his book, Be Here Now, if you think you're enlightened, spend a week with your parents.
And I think that's just this chop wood and carry water that is talked about in the Tao and Tao Te Ching, where no matter how much we work and no matter how much we do, there's always more. There's always more.
So how do we, instead of feeling, oh my God, overwhelmed, there's always more, how can we just surrender and take joy in the fact that there's always more because that's what expansion wants. That's, you know, the only way consciousness knows itself, the only way God knows God's self is by experiencing contraction.
If y'all haven't ever experienced dark, How would you possibly know what light feels like? If you didn't experience pain, how would you know what joy feels like? If all you ever had was joy in your life, 100%, it's like more of these people that go good vibes only...
[06:40] Fear of AbandonmentI'm 44, I have 2 children, I'm in a five-year relationship. I have on paper all the things that you would ever want, like a great house with a pool and a jacuzzi and nice cars and blah, blah, blah, all the trappings and personal things. But really the journey that I'm on, that everyone is on, is this journey of wholeness.
It's this journey of being completely safe within yourself and not needing validation, not needing external things to make me feel safe. So then it begs the question, why am I at my age still experiencing of abandonment?
It's because when I roll back and I float 30, 000 feet above my timeline, which is essentially an NLP tool where you close your eyes and you take a deep breath and you float 30, 000 feet above your entire life.
And imagine a timeline that goes all the way back to childhood and you actually all the things, all the traumatic events that have happened because we are meaning making machines, y'all. We're meaning making machines.
Instead of a trauma being neutral or an event being neutral, I, we tend to make things have significant meaning that we're either not lovable, we're not trustable, we're not worthy and so on and so forth. But all of these things, and you notice I'm dancing around it more like I don't wanna go into it. So I'll finally go into it.
So my lady and I had a pretty intense argument and I started to feel just literally sympathetic dominance like my entire nervous system was triggered I was shaking it was it was fairly severe and I realized that I had felt this before I had felt this in my nervous system before and I had felt it when I was a child and when my mother would be in her room crying, she would have pretty dramatic experiences.
She was bipolar and she still is. And my brother and I would make ourselves food and just be out in the house the whole day by ourselves. She would just be in her room crying. And it was that same amygdala response in my heart, in my solar plexus. And so that got baked in for me at an early age.
Now it's easy for me to sit here on a podcast and talk about in retrospect, the wisdom that is coming through for me, because the next thing I'll get to is I believe chaos is seeking order.
But why is it so important that with my current partner, with my lady, with the love of my life and the mother of children, why is it so important that I have a relationship with God? It's so important that I take the time to reflect on how I feel and how I showed up in my behavior.
Because if I don't examine my life, my life will never get better. I don't have to get stuck in the ocean of shame and blame, But y'all can connect with this. If you don't take stock and take inventory of how your behavior affects the people you love, then you will train your children to do the same thing. And that is not how we heal. That is not how we expand. That is not how we grow.
And so I said some things that I'm not proud of, and so did she. And now we're in this place of very delicate repair, very delicate repair, where it's really up to me to breathe, to give myself what I need, and to know what I'm about to share with you.
That when I experience a fear of abandonment, it's really just an old wound coming up to be healed...
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