The Infidelity Formula

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Nov 16, 2022

In this discussion, marriage therapist Andrew G. Marshall—who has over 30 years of experience specializing in infidelity—reveals startling statistics on cheating among couples. He identifies the three primary factors leading to infidelity and explains how quiet desperation can drive individuals to stray. The importance of male friendships in fidelity is emphasized, along with the seven deadly sins of poor communication. Andrew shares insights on navigating emotional disconnect and the impact of modern technology on relationships, providing strategies to strengthen connections and prevent affairs.

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INSIGHT

Root of Infidelity

Men and women seek similar things in affairs, despite societal differences in socialization.
Both genders ultimately desire to feel alive and connected, often seeking this through infidelity.

INSIGHT

Vulnerable Stages

Infidelity peaks during two life stages: when children are very young and when they are teenagers.
These periods present unique challenges to relationships, often leading to desperation and vulnerability to affairs.

INSIGHT

Infidelity Formula

Andrew G. Marshall's infidelity formula: Problem + Poor Communication + Temptation = Affair.
Problems can be individual or shared, conscious or unconscious, but fester when communication breaks down.

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Amongst supposedly monogamous couples, 23% of men and 19% of women have cheated on their current partner, and while studies have long found that men are more likely to cheat than women, that gap has significantly narrowed over time; in fact, married women between the ages of 18 and 29 cheat at a slightly higher rate than men do.

Behind cold bits of data like this are the many real stories of infidelity and the heartache and destruction they create. If you're not yet part of the cohort who's experienced the fallout of cheating firsthand, you probably want to avoid joining its ranks. Well, my guest has a formula that explains what three factors add up to infidelity, and once you know it, you can reverse engineer things to prevent those factors from showing up in your relationship.

His name is Andrew G. Marshall and he's a marriage therapist with over 30 years of counseling experience. Today on the show, Andrew first shares the breakdown in age and gender amongst the clients who come to see him in his practice and the two stages of life where he's found infidelity to be the most common. Andrew shares his formula for what leads to infidelity, and as we unpack its elements, we discuss how quiet desperation is a major driver of cheating, why men who don't have good male friends are more likely to have an affair, how to know if you're forming an inappropriate friendship that could lead to infidelity, Andrew's seven deadly sins of bad communication, and more. We also talk about the practices that healthy couples use to ward off infidelity, and the best question to ask yourself to start improving your relationship today.

Resources Related to the Episode

Connect With Andrew G. Marshall

Andrew's website with links to his books and his podcast, The Meaningful Life
Andrew on Twitter
Andrew on Facebook
Andrew on Substack