Big Kids, Bigger Feelings: Navigating Defiance, Meltdowns, and Anxiety to Raise Confident, Connected Kids

Big kids mean big feelings and sometimes that shows up as defiance, meltdowns, or even anxiety. In this episode, I’m breaking down what’s really going on beneath the surface and why it’s not just “bad behavior.” We often think school-aged is cruising with emotions but big feelings are common.

I’m joined by returning guest Alyssa Campbell, a child development expert, to provide the right tools for when emotions can feel overwhelming. We’ll talk about how age bias often shapes the way adults respond to older kids’ emotions, why yelling or punishment backfires, and how collaborative emotional processing can help kids feel understood while still respecting boundaries.

You’ll learn:

• Why defiance is often a sign of unmet needs, not disrespect

• The role of age bias in how we label behavior in older vs. younger kids

• How collaborative emotional processing helps kids regulate big emotions

• Practical, evidence-based ways to respond to meltdowns, worry, and pushback using her “F.A.C.T.S.” method

• How to raise kids who feel both confident and connected
  

To connect with Alyssa Campbel check out all her resources at https://www.seedandsew.org/about. Follow her on Instagram at @seed.and.sew. Buy her new book “Big Kids, Bigger Feelings” here: https://www.harpercollins.com/products/big-kids-bigger-feelings-alyssa-blask-campbellrachel-stuart-lounder?variant=43408468377634 

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00:00 – The “Easy Years” Myth
01:16 – Why 5–12 Isn’t Smooth Sailing
02:38 – Meet Alyssa Blas Campbell
03:11 – Parents Feel Blindsided
05:28 – Big Kid Development Shifts
07:25 – What Big Meltdowns Look Like
09:12 – Do We Expect Too Much?
11:04 – 9 Senses & Nervous System
15:23 – Different Kids, Different Needs
18:08 – Handling Defiance With Compassion
22:53 – Sibling Differences in Regulation
25:48 – The F.A.C.T.S. Acronym
31:29 – Amusement Park Example
34:53 – Why Age Bias Misleads Us
38:18 – The S.I.P. Method Explained
42:12 – Rethinking Respect & Defiance
44:40 – Parenting Is a Relationship
46:22 – Closing Thoughts & Resources

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