EP 239: When Your Words and Feelings Don’t Match

Have you ever smiled while you were seething inside? Or told your child “it’s fine” when it absolutely wasn’t? That mismatch (incongruent affect, we’re gonna talk psychology mumbo jumbo) isn’t just confusing. It’s a cue of danger- to your child’s nervous system AND to yours!

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why kids are biologically wired to trust their caregivers and what happens when their neuroception contradicts the words they hear.
• How “faking calm” backfires, and why matching energy without dysregulation is a more effective way to bring safety.
• How growing your window of tolerance and strengthening your owl brain helps you stay regulated while feeling big, hard feelings.

Read the full transcript at: RobynGobbel.com/incongruentaffect

Applications for the 2026 cohorts of the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program are now open!  Get on the waiting list at RobynGobbel.com/immersion

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The All-About-Me workbook will help your child grow their owl brain and develop ways to calm their watchdog and possum brain. 24 page, full-color, instant download at RobynGobbel.com/store

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Grab a copy of my book Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors robyngobbel.com/book

Join us in The Club for more support! robyngobbel.com/TheClub

Apply for the Baffling Behavior Training Institute's Professional Immersion Program (formerly Being With) robyngobbel.com/Immersion

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