Sex After Baby, Unlearning Shame, And Finding Your Sexual Self With Shan Boodram
Jun 3, 2024
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Shan Boodram, a world-renowned sexologist and professional sex educator, shares her transformative journey in sex education. She unpacks the societal shame surrounding intimacy and emphasizes the need for open dialogues about sexuality, particularly empowering parents to discuss these topics with their children. Shan tackles the balance between motherhood and sexuality, offering insights on reigniting intimacy postpartum. Listeners are encouraged to challenge internalized stigma and reshape narratives around intimacy for future generations.
The discussion reveals that societal conditioning and purity culture contribute significantly to the shame surrounding sex, impacting individuals throughout their lives.
Shan emphasizes the necessity of comprehensive sex education to empower future generations with knowledge and vocabulary for navigating their sexuality confidently.
The podcast highlights how motherhood can change a woman's sexual identity, urging couples to maintain intimacy through small, meaningful interactions despite parenting challenges.
Deep dives
The Challenge of Discussing Bodily Functions
Discussing natural bodily functions, particularly sex, is often met with discomfort due to societal conditioning instilled from a young age. As children, many are taught that functions like using the bathroom are 'gross' or 'yucky,' leading to a foundation of shame associated with these experiences. This same discomfort extends into adulthood, making conversations about sex feel taboo and awkward. The discomfort is further exacerbated by a lack of proper education on anatomy and bodily functions, resulting in many individuals not even knowing the correct terms for their body parts.
Impact of Purity Culture on Sexuality
Individuals raised in an environment shaped by purity culture often grapple with significant shame surrounding sex and bodily desires. This cultural backdrop teaches that sexual relations before marriage are sinful and leads to a conflicting narrative where, upon marriage, individuals are suddenly expected to embrace their sexuality fully. Many experience confusion and anxiety as they undergo a mental shift from associating sexuality with shame to attempting to embody a sexual identity within their relationship. The concept highlights the difficulties people face in re-establishing a healthy relationship with sex, often feeling lost after years of opposing messaging.
The Role of Education in Shaping Sexual Awareness
Formal education around sex and anatomy can be quite lacking, which contributes to feelings of insecurity and hesitation in discussing these topics. Many individuals report limited discussions on sex during their formative years, which leads to confusion surrounding their own bodies and sexual health. Improved sex education can empower future generations by providing them with the vocabulary and understanding needed to navigate their sexuality confidently. By addressing these important conversations with children early on, parents can help foster a culture of healthy sexual awareness, free from shame.
Understanding the Loss of Sexual Desire Postpartum
The journey into motherhood can drastically alter a woman's relationship with her sexuality, particularly postpartum. Many mothers report a significant drop in libido due to various factors such as hormonal changes, physical discomfort, and the overwhelming demands of parenting. This shift can provoke feelings of inadequacy and concern regarding their intimate relationships, as they may feel disconnected from their sexual selves. Acceptance of this transitional phase and open communication with partners can help couples navigate the complexities of their evolving relationship, allowing for a healthier understanding of intimacy.
Finding Sparks of Intimacy
As couples transition from the honeymoon phase to parenting, it becomes essential to actively seek out moments of intimacy to reignite desire. Small interactions, or 'sparks,' throughout the day can help maintain connection, nurturing the sexual relationship in manageable ways. Rediscovering attraction doesn't always require grand gestures; small acts of affection can serve as gentle reminders of intimacy. Cultivating an environment where desire can flourish—even amid the demands of parenting—requires conscious effort from both partners to celebrate these fleeting and precious moments.
The Importance of Open Conversations about Sex
Having open and honest dialogues about sex is crucial to dismantling the stigma surrounding it. Parents are encouraged to reflect on the messages they were given about sex in childhood and actively choose how they want to approach this topic with their own kids. Creating a culture of transparency regarding sex not only aids in breaking generational cycles of shame but also fosters a healthier perspective for children as they grow. When parents model healthy conversations about sexuality, they contribute to a more informed and compassionate future generation.
In this fascinating discussion, Jess sits down with world-renowned sexologist Shan Boodram for a discussion about all things sex, shame, and self-discovery. Shan shares her personal journey from curious kid to professional sex educator, shedding light on the challenges and triumphs she's faced along the way.
Together, Jess and Shan dive deep into the reasons why talking about sex can be so uncomfortable, exploring the societal conditioning and messages that contribute to feelings of shame and awkwardness around intimacy. They also tackle the importance of comprehensive, age-appropriate sex education and the impact it can have on reducing stigma and promoting healthy relationships.
For parents tuning in, Shan offers valuable insights on how to approach sex education with children, emphasizing the power of open, honest communication. She and Jess also delve into the challenges of balancing motherhood and sexuality, providing tips for postpartum parents looking to rediscover their sexual selves and rekindle the spark in their relationships.
Throughout the episode, Shan and Jess share personal anecdotes and vulnerabilities, creating a safe space for listeners to reflect on their own experiences and beliefs about sex. They ultimately challenge us to examine our internalized messages and encourage us to create a new, shame-free narrative around intimacy for ourselves and future generations.
Whether you're a parent, a partner, or simply someone looking to cultivate a healthier relationship with sex and intimacy, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in for a thought-provoking conversation that will leave you feeling empowered, informed, and a little bit more comfortable talking about sex.
