Anjali and Rahul reflect on their relationship and worry about boredom and meeting traditional milestones. The Casbons offer wisdom from their book Side by Side, emphasizing openness and inner work. The podcast explores varied relationship challenges, the significance of mirroring and inner strength, seeking therapy, and the importance of silence and humor.
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Quick takeaways
Maintaining individuality and personal growth are vital in a marriage to avoid losing one's identity in the partnership.
Engaging in difficult conversations, actively listening, and finding common ground promote growth and intimacy in a relationship.
Deep dives
The importance of individuality and inner work in a marriage
Anjali and Rahul emphasize the need for personal growth and maintaining individuality within their marriage. They recognize the value of taking time for self-reflection and understanding their own needs and desires. This allows them to bring their authentic selves into the relationship and avoid losing their identity in the partnership. They also acknowledge the importance of seeking therapy when needed, despite any social stigma attached to it, as a way to nurture the relationship and address conflicts.
The significance of open communication and conflict resolution
Anjali and Rahul discuss the differences in their communication styles and how they navigate conflicts. Anjali tends to confront conflicts head-on, while Rahul takes a more passive approach. They recognize the importance of voicing their concerns, actively listening to each other, and finding a middle ground in their approach. They highlight the significance of engaging in difficult conversations and seeking common ground to promote growth and intimacy in the relationship.
The challenge of societal expectations and finding their own path
Anjali and Rahul express their concerns about societal expectations, particularly when it comes to starting a family. They feel pressure from their parents and society to follow a conventional path of having children. However, they are mindful of making decisions based on their own desires and timing. They aim to find their own definition of growth within their marriage, separate from societal benchmarks, and embrace the idea of holy timing for important life decisions.
The role of humor and fun in fostering a healthy relationship
Anjali and Rahul highlight the importance of humor, playfulness, and shared activities in their relationship. They have a weekly team meeting where they plan and organize various aspects of their lives together, which helps reduce everyday stress and enhance their connection. They acknowledge the significance of laughter and finding joy in their relationship, fostering a sense of lightness and fun.
To celebrate their third wedding anniversary, Anjali and Rahul are each selecting a surprise activity to do together. This happy couple loves spontaneity, so they’re concerned about someday growing bored in their relationship. They’re also feeling pressure to mark the traditional milestones of marriage, including having kids. On this episode of How To!, authors Caryl and Jay Casbon join us to share the wisdom they gained from interviewing other married couples for their book Side by Side. The Casbons draw upon their own 22-year marriage to urge Anjali and Rahul to face conflict with openness and focus on individual “inner work”—in order to grow together.
Learn more about Caryl and Jay Casbon here. If you liked this episode, check out an episode that Anjali loved: How To Decide Whether to Have a Baby with Wild author Cheryl Strayed.
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How To’s executive producer is Derek John. Joel Meyer is our senior editor/producer. The show is produced by Rosemary Belson, with Kevin Bendis and Jabari Butler.
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