The podcast explores the struggles of parenting during the pandemic, including generation gaps, involvement, and regret. It discusses the advice of finding internal freedom and not taking parenting too seriously. The concept of cultivating a liturgy of light-heartedness and benevolent detachment is explored, along with the delicate balance of nurturing and letting go. The importance of creating space for others to grow and practicing self-kindness is emphasized.
Cultivating a liturgy of light-heartedness can help counter the tendency to over-care in parenting and caregiving.
Adopting a light-hearted posture and trusting in Jesus' words can bring relief from the burdens of over-care and over-functioning.
Deep dives
The Challenge of Caring Too Much
One of the main challenges the speaker faced in 2023 was caring too much, particularly in relation to parenting. This was a recurring issue for the speaker, as it also appeared in their 2021 reflection. Parenting teenagers during the COVID years was exceptionally difficult, both due to the circumstances and the speaker's response to them. The speaker discusses the struggle of parenting and caregiving when there is a generational gap, questioning their abilities and feeling the weight of responsibility. However, the speaker shares that the most valuable advice received was to stop caring so much, but in a loving and light-hearted way. This insight has made a significant difference in the speaker's life, allowing them to find a delicate balance between being present and not over-caring.
Cultivating a Liturgy of Light-Heartedness
The speaker suggests cultivating a liturgy of light-heartedness as a way to counteract the tendency to care too much. They explore various concepts and names for this practice, including benevolent detachment, holy indifference, and interior freedom. The essence of this practice involves releasing control and surrendering to God, while still maintaining care and engagement with others. It is a process of finding inner peace and holding onto what draws one closer to God and others, while letting go of what pulls them away. The speaker encourages the listener to adopt a light-hearted posture and lean into the theology of rest and trust in Jesus' words to find relief from the burdens of over-care and over-functioning.
Choosing a Different Room and Practicing Loving Detachment
The speaker acknowledges that the room of over-parenting, over-carrying, and over-functioning is not the only kind of room available. They emphasize the possibility of lovingly detaching from the desire for certainty and control, and instead embracing a light-hearted attitude. The speaker highlights the importance of daily mental and emotional liturgies in influencing our decision-making process, drawing from the understanding of liturgy as communal work for the common good. They encourage redirecting the heart towards trusting God and embracing a high Christology, living as if the life of Christ makes a tangible difference. The speaker shares a practical approach of imaginative prayer, envisioning entrusting loved ones to God's care. They reassure caregivers that it's possible to care without carrying, providing space for others to grow while being kinder to oneself in the process.
At the end of December, I shared what worked in 2023 here on the podcast, but for my letter subscribers at the end of the year, I also shared five things that did not work for me in 2023. One of the things I listed that didn't work for me last year was caring too much, specifically as it relates to parenting. Listen in.