484 - Compersion is a Spectrum with Dr. Marie Thouin
Jun 18, 2024
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Dr. Marie Thouin discusses the concept of compersion and its importance in relationships. They explore navigating compersion alongside jealousy, the significance of healthy communication in non-monogamous relationships, and factors influencing the experience of compersion, such as self-relationship security and rapport with metamores.
Embodying an ethic of compersion fosters positive relationships, even without emotional feelings.
Compersion entails positive emotions, thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors towards a partner's other relationships.
'Compersion struggle' involves navigating conflicting feelings of compersion and jealousy, advocating for self-growth.
Deep dives
Different Layers of Compersion Explored by Dr. Marie Tuane
Dr. Marie Tuane delves into the nuanced layers of compersion, introducing the concepts of compersion and attitudinal compersion. She emphasizes that even if one does not emotionally feel compersion, they can still embody an ethic of compersion, fostering positive relationships. This distinction aims to prevent falling into the trap of toxic positivity while highlighting the importance of working towards thriving relationships.
Defining Compersion with Dr. Marie Tuane
Dr. Marie Tuane elaborates on her groundbreaking definition of compersion specified into three aspects: positive emotions, thoughts, attitudes, and behaviors towards one's partner's other relationships. She addresses the misconception of compersion solely as the opposite of jealousy, emphasizing that they can coexist. Tuane's research also underscores the significance of viewing compersion beyond consensual non-monogamy, extending its relevance to varied relationship dynamics.
Navigating Jealousy Through a Non-Mononormative Lens
With a focus on non-mononormative jealousy, Dr. Marie Tuane introduces the concept of 'compersion struggle' where individuals navigate conflicting feelings of compersion and jealousy. She distinguishes between mononormative and non-mononormative approaches to jealousy, advocating for an interrogative mindset to decipher the underlying messages and promote self-growth within intimate connections.
Factors Influencing Compersion through Social Positionality
In her research on compersion and social positionality, Dr. Marie Tuane explores how factors like age, financial difficulties, race, and community support can impact one's experience of compersion. She uncovers surprising findings, such as older individuals exhibiting more compersion and people facing financial challenges benefiting from communal sharing within polyamorous relationships.
Practical Applications of Compersion and Future Research
Dr. Marie Tuane reflects on how her research has influenced personal relationships, leading to a deeper understanding of petty envies and jealousies. She emphasizes the need for integrity and a collaborative attitude in fostering compersion. Looking ahead, she envisions continued research exploring the altruistic and utilitarian aspects of compersion, along with extending the study of compersion beyond romantic contexts.
Today, Dr. Marie Thouin is back to talk about compersion and her new book on the subject.
Dr. Marie Thouin is a Mindful Dating & Relationship Coach who supports people of all backgrounds and relational orientations to create intentional and vibrant love lives. She is a leading expert on the topic of compersion and the author of the groundbreaking book, "What is Compersion? Understanding Positive Empathy in Consensually Non-Monogamous Relationships.” Marie has published seminal research studies, the first-ever encyclopedia entry on compersion, and is the creator of www.WhatIsCompersion.com, a popular website that features her research, blogs, and other resources on compersion. She has been featured in several magazines and podcasts, including ELLE, the Savage Lovecast, and Multiamory.
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