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The Learning + Performance Podcast

#18 - Cathan Kabrelian on Compassionate Communication with Ourselves and Others

Mar 19, 2025
01:23:59

In this episode of The Learning and Performance Podcast, I speak with the late Cathan Kabrelian, a leading expert in compassionate communication. Cathan was a trainer, speaker, retreat leader, and mentor, known for integrating compassionate communication into a wide range of fields, from education to corporate environments. Through her work as a trauma-informed Needs-Awareness Trainer, Certified Mindfulness Instructor, and Breath Coach, Cathan brought a unique depth to understanding and teaching not only effective communication skills but the self-awareness skills to transform conversations and relationships at work, at home, and in all those third spaces. Together, Cathan and I discussed why compassionate communication matters and how you can use it to live a more self-aware, wonderful, and connected life.


Key Topics

In the conversation, we hit on a number of interesting topics relevant to learning and performance, including:

  • What is compassionate or non-violent communication, and why is it important
  • The importance of feelings and needs awareness to life and relationships
  • The OFNR framework of observation, feelings, needs, requests
  • How to translate thoughts and judgments into needs
  • Feelings as a “radar” for detecting what we need
  • Shifting from blaming others to identifying our own values and needs
  • Why self-connection is necessary to connect with others
  • Three ways to navigate challenging feelings
  • Two ways to practice compassionate communication - formal and real-life
  • Using compassionate communication at work
  • And much more...


Learn More About Cathan and NVC


Notes,Mentions, and Resources

  • Identity - not just WHO we are or WHAT we do or believe but HOW we are
  • Performance - achieving tasks towards a goal with creativity, skill, and compassionate consideration of needs
  • Learning - understanding something better than we did before
  • Learning-Performance "Loops" - Learn, Practice, Perform.
  • Compassionate/Non-Violent Communication (NVC)
  • Needs awareness
  • Non-Violent Communication (NVC) by Marshall Rosenberg
  • OFNR Framework - Observations, Feelings, Needs, Requests
  • Observations - what we notice about ourselves, others, and the world
  • Feelings - sensations stimulated by met or unmet needs
  • Needs - universal life impulses; drivers of actions
  • Requests/Strategies - ways to meet our needs
  • Compassion Course Online
  • The Compassion Book by Thom Bond
  • NY Center for NVC (NYCNVC)
  • Effective practice is intentional, focused, aware
  • Translating Judgments Practice - translating judgments into feelings and needs/values
  • Shifting from judgment and blaming to connection, curiosity, and compassion
  • Principle - everything we do we do to meet a need or value
  • Feelings as "radar" for needs, not something to fear or push away
  • Applying NVC at work - values and what matters>needs; focusing on individual self-connection leads to more curiosity, compassion, and connection with co-workers
  • It doesn't take two to change a conversation, only one
  • Dealing with difficult feelings by connecting to met/unmet needs - (1) notice judgments/resistance/thinking, (2) tune into body sensations, (3) identify what you want/need and embody it, (4) think of a strategy to meet the needs
  • Feelings and Needs list
  • Study by Brene Brown on average number of feelings of Americans
  • Self-connect first to connect with others second
  • Two types of practice for showing up better - formal and integrative/IRL
  • Cathan's website - Compassionate Thriving
  • Types of Judgments - Value judgments, preferences, assessments vs. moralistic judgments
  • High performance in life = showing up authentically and connecting with others
  • Mindfulness
  • Somatic experiencing and breathwork
  • Compassion vs. empathy

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