Toddlers That Won't Go to Bed (Solutions from Eileen Henry)
Feb 13, 2024
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Sleep consultant Eileen Henry offers experienced perspective and advice on bedtime challenges with toddlers. She emphasizes the importance of understanding unexpressed needs, creating a calming bedtime routine, and fostering independent sleep skills. Eileen also discusses the concept of holding space for children's emotions and the challenges of setting boundaries at bedtime. Check out her resources at CompassionateSleepSolutions.com.
Helping toddlers develop independent sleep skills by involving them in the bedtime ritual and setting clear boundaries
Acknowledging and validating a parent's own emotions while managing a toddler's sleep challenges
Deep dives
Setting Boundaries and Promoting Independence at Bedtime
A mother describes her struggles with putting her sensitive 3-year-old daughter to sleep. The child becomes upset if the mother tries to leave before she falls asleep, often leading to vomiting. The mother also feels overwhelmed by her daughter's constant need for attention throughout the day. The sleep consultant advises the mother to help her daughter develop independent sleep skills by involving her in the bedtime ritual, setting clear boundaries, and giving her options for comfort objects. The consultant also encourages the mother to practice boundaries throughout the day to build confidence in setting limits.
Navigating Toddler Sleep during a Grieving Process
A mother expresses her exhaustion and frustration with her 23-month-old daughter's sleep patterns during a challenging time. The mother's mother has received a cancer diagnosis, and the mother feels overwhelmed and sad. The consultant offers empathetic support, suggesting that the mother create dedicated time with her daughter while allowing her to explore her own play during nap time, without pressuring her to sleep. The mother is encouraged to set up a peaceful sleep environment and reassure her daughter that she is nearby. The consultant emphasizes the importance of acknowledging and validating the mother's own grief while managing her daughter's sleep challenges.
Encouraging Independence and Boundaries with a Needy 3-Year-Old
A stay-at-home mom describes her 3-year-old daughter as extremely needy, constantly demanding attention and refusing to let her mother do other tasks. The sleep consultant reassures the mom that the child has developed parent reinforced needs rather than authentic needs. The consultant advises the mom to involve her daughter in the bedtime ritual and gradually empower her to self-soothe and fall asleep independently. The mom is encouraged to set boundaries throughout the day, give her daughter options, and model self-care to foster autonomy and reduce reliance on her constant presence. The mom is reminded that establishing boundaries is an ongoing process and that she should be compassionate with herself as she learns to set limits.
Eileen Henry is a pioneering sleep consultant who for decades has helped exhausted, concerned parents guide their infants and toddlers to more restorative sleep. As Janet's guest this week, Eileen shares her wisdom and detailed suggestions in response to emails from Unruffled listeners struggling mightily with their toddlers at bedtime. A one-year-old seems to get increasingly wound up as bedtime nears, escalating to biting her mother. A 23-month-old refuses to nap. An almost 3-year-old won't separate from her parent at any time of day, calls "mommy, mommy" whenever her parent leaves her side, making bedtime impossible. Eileen offers her experienced perspective, warm support, and actionable advice. “Sleep is not a problem to be fixed,” she believes. “It is a skill to be learned.”