The Daily Dad

Curb Sometimes, Spur at Others

Dec 3, 2019

02:22

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Explore Seneca's teachings on fatherhood and the balance between discipline and encouragement in nurturing a child's spirit.

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Quick takeaways

Fathers should strike a balance between encouragement and discipline, guiding their children to avoid extremes of arrogance and quick temper.

Every child requires a different approach, with some needing more enforcement and others requiring more restraint for effective parenting.

Deep dives

The Importance of Encouragement and Freedom

According to Seneca's essay of anger, fathers should focus on providing their children with a balance of encouragement and freedom. Seneca believes that a boy's spirit is enhanced by freedom and praise, as it allows them to develop great expectations of themselves. However, he warns that excessive praise can lead to arrogance and a quick temper. Fathers should guide their children between these extremes, using both gentle encouragement and necessary discipline. It is crucial for fathers to avoid treating their children in a degrading or demeaning manner, ensuring that they don't beg for anything and instead receive rewards based on their past good behavior or promises of future good conduct.

The Importance of Encouragement and Freedom in Fatherhood

2min

Seneca was a father, though we don’t know much, if anything, about his son. We know he was a wonderful uncle, and that he struggled valiantly as a tutor to reign in the impulses of Nero.

What kind of father was he? How did he teach his young charges? We don’t have many specifics, but in his essay On Anger, Seneca does give us fathers some advice on how to raise our kids—specifically when it comes to making sure they are not spoiled, mean, or cruel.

Here is a thought from Seneca this morning on the importance of encouragement and freedom:

A boy's spirit is increased by freedom and depressed by slavery: it rises when praised, and is led to conceive great expectations of itself: yet this same treatment produces arrogance and quickness of temper: we must therefore guide him between these two extremes, using the curb at one time and the spur at another.

He must undergo no servile or degrading treatment; he never must beg abjectly for anything, nor must he gain anything by begging; let him rather receive it for his own sake, for his past good behaviour, or for his promises of future good conduct.

Our job as Dads is to encourage as well as enforce, to spur as well as curb. One kid might need more of one, while another kid needs less of the other. The same kid on different days might need different things.

But that’s what you’re there for. That’s what you’re supposed to help them with—to spur them to want to be great by themselves.

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