Dr. Becky explores concerns of raising entitled children, discusses privilege, gratitude, and expectations in parenting, provides strategies to avoid entitlement, emphasizes cultivating gratitude in children, and addresses the relationship between entitlement and frustration tolerance.
Understanding the underlying issue of entitlement and reframing the discussion around privilege, gratitude, and parents' expectations can help address concerns about raising entitled kids.
Helping children develop gratitude requires combining mindfulness, noticing, and modeling gratitude, as well as helping them understand the value of things and tolerate not always having what they want.
Deep dives
Understanding Entitlement and its Impact on Parenting
Entitlement is often seen as a dirty word in parenting, and many parents worry about raising entitled kids. Dr. Becky delves into the issue of entitlement and how it leads to concern about raising an asshole. She emphasizes the importance of understanding the underlying issue and reframing the discussion around privilege, gratitude, and the expectations parents have for their children. Dr. Becky highlights the need for kids to experience wanting and not having, to build tolerance for frustration, and to develop gratitude. She suggests that parents should focus on building skills rather than lecturing or punishment to address entitlement.
The Nuances of Gratitude and Entitlement
Dr. Becky explores the relationship between gratitude, entitlement, and privilege. She discusses how financial privilege can make it harder for children to cultivate gratitude when they have an abundance of resources. She encourages parents to help their kids understand the value of things and the need to tolerate not always having what they want. Dr. Becky highlights the importance of combining mindfulness, noticing, and modeling gratitude to help children develop this feeling and turn it into action.
Practical Strategies for Building Skills
Dr. Becky provides practical strategies for parents to help their children develop the skills necessary to avoid entitlement. She recommends shifting the focus from parents' values to their kids' skills and perspectives. By offering opportunities for children to experience wanting and not having, engaging in tasks they don't want to do, and tolerating disappointment, parents can empower their children to become more well-rounded individuals. Dr. Becky emphasizes the importance of coaching and practicing these skills rather than expecting immediate gratitude or compliance.
Developing Gratitude and Avoiding Entitlement
Dr. Becky addresses the issue of teaching gratitude to children effectively. She suggests infusing mindfulness and noticing into daily experiences, such as reflecting on special events or different routines. Rather than focusing on specific behaviors like saying thank you, she encourages parents to help their children develop the feeling of gratitude by asking questions, fostering perspective-taking, and modeling appreciation for intentions. By viewing entitlement as a sign of skill deficits rather than character flaws, parents can adopt a coach-like approach to guide their children towards gratitude and avoid entitlement.
Most parents want to raise kids who are confident, kind, hard-working, empathetic... And exactly no one is hoping their kid grows up to be an entitled a-hole. Yet it occupies so many conversations about parenting with friends. This week, Dr. Becky fields a few of those concerns from her producer, Jesse Baker. Listen in for insights that will reframe how you approach these conversations with your own kids.
Get the Good Inside App by Dr. Becky: https://bit.ly/4c2muIM Follow Dr. Becky on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drbeckyatgoodinside Sign up for our weekly email, Good Insider: https://www.goodinside.com/newsletter Order Dr. Becky's book, Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be, at goodinside.com/book or wherever you order your books. For a full transcript of the episode, go to goodinside.com/podcast To listen to Dr. Becky's TED Talk on repair visit https://www.ted.com/talks/becky_kennedy_the_single_most_important_parenting_strategy
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